


A House Is Not A Home

by screwsimplicity



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-03-21 04:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13732776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screwsimplicity/pseuds/screwsimplicity
Summary: In the midst of getting the nursery ready for his second child and serving his husband divorce papers, Kurt Hummel runs into an old rival who turns his already-crazy world on its head.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason, I decided it would be a good idea to rewatch Glee. And it spurred on a lot of old feelings and even some new ones now that I'm older and wiser. Something that stayed consistent when I was a teenager and now that I'm in my twenties was my love for Kurtbastian. And how KURT HUMMEL DESERVED BETTER. I thought it would be an interesting writing exercise to write about something so familiar to me, but with the twist of making things as canonical as I can get for someone who read the Glee Wiki intensively but never actually made it past Season 4. So, Kurt and Blaine still get married, Rachel still has their baby and marries Jesse, Finn is still gone. All of that. But now we're in the year 2023 and things are starting to change a bit for our boy Kurt. I'll just leave it at that. Enjoy!

Kurt swore he was going to be completely gray by the time he was thirty-five.

It was his own fault, really. For having such an amazingly kind heart to offer to take a Berry-spawn out on the town for the day. And during the busiest time of the year, no less.

He was halfway tempted to call Blaine and ask him to come and help. Regardless of… everything, they always made a pretty good team. But it was just… way too soon and Kurt Hummel was just too stubborn. And capable of handling two small children on his own while also trying to do some Christmas shopping.

God, what was he thinking?

It took them an hour just to leave the house. This was usually quite normal in the Hummel-Anderson household (just Hummel now, he reminded himself) as Kurt refused to look anything less than amazing. Even during the first few sleep-deprived months of fatherhood, where he could have gotten away with wearing sweatpants covered in spit-up during quick grocery store runs, he refused to not look anything less than his best. But this time was different. This time he didn't just have to dress himself, but one screaming baby and one cranky toddler who threw off her scarf every time Kurt tried to put it on (how was this child his?).

Eventually little Barbra (Kurt, to this day, can't understand how any mother, even Rachel Berry, could look at her precious child's face and decide to name her Barbra) screamed herself to sleep and they made their way outside to face the cold December weather and crazy last-minute shoppers. Though, admittedly, he was one of them. Most of the bulk was done, but there were still some odds and ends to get. Plus, Jesse had slipped him a hundred dollar bill when he had dropped Barbra off to use in getting something nice for Rachel as he had not the time nor the slightest clue of what to get her.

Hopeless, hopeless straight men.

Pushing a stroller, holding the hand of a toddler who tripped every five seconds and trying to navigate the snowy streets of New York was was one of the hardest things he had ever done. And he had to sell his favorite pair of boots to pay rent one time. So… this was pretty high up there.

After hitting a few stores that were a bit too cramped for his taste, he eventually made his way into Macy's. He figured that even if it was busy, it was a big enough building where the crazy would be spread out enough to have room to breathe. And push Barbra's obnoxiously big stroller around. He had grown to appreciate a good stroller, one with plenty of room for a cute diaper bag and wheels that turned all the way around for optimal turning action… but this was excessive. He could probably find a place to plug his phone in if he tried hard enough.

The first thing in the store was, of course, the dreaded makeup counters and perfume section. He looked around, trying to find a path to walk around it and not potentially mess up the displays with the stroller. He understood why they put all of that at the very front of the store, in the middle of the entire floor. No matter where you were trying to go, you were bound to have to walk through it and he was sure that there were some people that fell for it and ended up getting mediocre makeovers and leaving with perfume that they didn't need. Luckily he wasn't really in the target demographic for any of those things, so if he did pass through the area, he probably wouldn't be bothered by anyone. But he wasn't willing to risk it. Especially with a toddler around, who was an absolutely sweetheart, but had absolutely no control of her limbs and had the capacity to break, with his luck, the most expensive bottle they had.

Speaking of, his sweet, beautiful daughter must have found something she liked since she started running full speed ahead, leaving Kurt and Barbra in her dust. Kurt ran (as best as he could while pushing a stroller with a sleeping baby inside) to catch up with her. And of course, she was getting dangerously close to a display of glass perfume bottles. Full-sized.

"Lulu, baby! Don't touch!" She ignored him, reaching a tiny, chubby hand out to grab a bottle with daisies on top. Kurt, fortunately enough, had catlike reflexes and managed to scoop her up in one fell swoop and get her away from the glass-in-hand-and-hours-of-crying danger. "You can't pick those, baby. They're not real."

"Can I help you?" A voice behind him said, causing him to turn around.

"Huh? Oh, no. We're good. Just… smelling the flowers," Kurt joked with a chuckle, looking down at the girl on his hip, nuzzling their noses together. "Weren't we?"

Without hearing a response, he looked back up at the employee, who was regarding him with really… intense eyes. Looking him up and down. He hadn't been this aggressively checked out… well, ever.

"Sorry. Do I know you?" He asked, tilting his head to the side and adjusting Lulu on his hip. Kurt hadn't been paying much attention when he first turned to look at the guy, getting over the initial rush of adrenaline going through him of after chasing his daughter over here. But now that he was really looking…

"Sebastian Smythe." Something that could be categorized as a smirk slid on the man's face as Kurt gave him a nod of recognition.

He had been going on a lot of trips down memory lane recently, most of which were of good times, times filled with love and happiness. Never did he think that this was one of the paths he would go down. Especially not in the perfume section of a Macy's with his three year old tugging on his jacket.

"Kurt Hummel. Still as… pale as ever."

Not all nostalgia was good.

"And you, as bad at insults as you were… what? Twelve years ago?" He couldn't believe it had been that long since that part of his life had happened. The part with slushies and rival choir drama and first times. And Michael Jackson, for whatever reason. Mr. Shue's doing, most likely. That being said, he owed him a phone call sooner or later. He made a mental note before Sebastian started talking again.

"I was never bad. Just… ahead of my time," He replied, his smirk replaced by a gentle, teasing smile. "So, uh," Sebastian gaze drifted from Kurt to the little girl. "Who's this?"

Kurt was sort of lost in his own thoughts for a moment there, temporarily transported back to days at the Lima Bean. Coffee dates and lingering looks… That was a dangerous train of thought and he was glad to have the focus shift for a moment.

"This is my daughter, Talulah."

"And that one?" Sebastian jerked his head towards the stroller which he had abandoned a few feet away.

"Not mine, actually. Rachel Berry's." He said, moving to pull the stroller closer and check and see if Barbra was still sleeping.

"Rachel Berry. God." Sebastian let out a huffed, disbelieving laugh.

"Tell me about it."

"I talk to approximately zero people from high school. So… That must take a lot of commitment, staying friends with her all these years. "

"Commitment's… certainly a word for it." Kurt said, causing the other to chuckle. This was… so strange. It was always pretty weird seeing people from the past. Especially after everything that went down recently. But this was the weirdest so far, for sure.

Sebastian had taken up so little of his life back then, but so much at the same time. He was a constant threat, someone he hated with a passion. But now… the anger he felt towards him, the unlimited supply of insults he had waiting for him every time he showed up at his favorite coffee shop, were all gone. Or at least undetectable. After high school ended, the man was not even a blip on his radar. And now he was just _here._ In a Macy's in New York City.

"We're so old now." Kurt said without thinking.

It was true. Most everyone he held near and dear to his heart were in their early thirties now with lives and careers and families. This time had really made him feel slightly nostalgic for the days when they were just teenagers with trivial problems and not big, life-altering ones.

"Speak for yourself. We actually have a wide array of anti-aging creams I can direct you to, if you'd like. Looks like you're gonna need it pretty soon," The man joked before reaching out to point at him. "And… is that a gray hair I see?" Kurt gasped, rushing to the nearest makeup mirror to check.

This was obviously very amusing to Sebastian.

"I'm kidding. Jesus." He laughed. Kurt turned and scowled at him. Then almost immediately stopped. Making that face too often would lead him on the fast track to wrinkles and he had worked way too hard on his skincare to ruin it just by being showing his annoyance as often as he felt it. He was not going to be needing those anti-aging products anytime soon, thank you.

"Do you act like this around all of your patrons?" Kurt asked, straightening his posture up and attempting to look as can-I-speak-to-the-manager-y as possible. He honestly didn't mind the teasing comment. It was certainly a weird thing to have happened, but not overly offensive. This was a much less awkward encounter than he imagined. But to be fair, he hadn't imagined this encounter ever happening. He hadn't thought about Sebastian Smythe in years. He could have fallen off the face of the Earth and Kurt wouldn't have known.

There was a small flash of fear over the other's face, but it left as soon as it came and there was that stupid smirk on his face again. The one that terrorized him so much as a teenager. It was laughable now.

"Nope. You're just special," Sebastian replied, causing Kurt's eyebrows raised up. "Not often I run into someone I knew from those days. So, when I do, the cartoon devil on my shoulder has a heyday." He explained.

"Daisy?" Lulu spoke up, causing Sebastian's attention to turn fully to her, turning on the doting retail employee charm.

"Daisy by Marc Jacobs. Excellent choice, miss. Would you like to have a smell?" The girl nodded enthusiastically. Sebastian grabbed the tester bottle and walked back to them, giving Kurt a questioning look as he reached to take her little hand in his.

"Wait. Is it safe for the skin?" Sebastian cocked an eyebrow.

"That's typically where perfume's supposed to go, so. Yes. I'd assume so."

"But for kids? With all of the chemicals?"

"This one's all natural. But we can test it on your arm, if you want. We also have hand sanitizer…" Kurt sighed and took Lulu's arm, pushing up the sleeves off her puffy jacket. Sebastian sprayed a tiny bit and instructed her to rub her wrists together. Kurt took one of her arms and smelled it while she smelled the other. She grinned.

"Mmm!"

"That's nice, isn't it?" Lulu nodded. "You think Auntie Rachel would like it?" Another nod. You could never go wrong with perfume, he supposed. And it would look like Jesse had picked it out, that's for sure. "How much?"

"Fifty." Kurt winced.

"Jesus." He thought about it for a good long minute. Jesse had given him a hundred. And it wasn't his money, so…

"Yeah. Alright. I'll take one."

Sebastian smiled cordially and nodded, setting the bottle down and walking behind the counter.

"Would you like that gift wrapped?"

"Does it cost more? Actually… forget it. Doesn't matter. Do it." Sebastian chuckled and got to work. Kurt was setting Talulah down to be able to fish in his pockets for his wallet when a shrill scream pierced through the air. His head whipped to the stroller to see a red-faced, screeching Barbra. He quickly moved to attend to her, taking her out of the stroller and bouncing her to get her to calm down. Sebastian had stopped wrapping and looked absolutely terrified.

Kurt shushed her, though he could barely hear himself over the ear-piercing cries. Several patrons were looking at him now and he wondered how in the hell Rachel ever did this. He got lucky with Lulu. She was the quietest, most well-behaved baby ever. Which was certainly a surprise seeing as she was a product of Rachel and Blaine's DNA.

After a few moments of patting her back and rocking her, he figured out what the culprit of her bad mood was.

"Alright, alright. Calm down. We'll get you cleaned up in a minute," He assured her as he went to grab the diaper bag. He looked between the pale-faced Sebastian and Lulu and let out a sigh. "Would you mind…?"

Normally he wouldn't have done this. He would have taken Lulu to the restroom with him and not left her with someone who was basically a stranger to him, but the screams were really affecting him. And everyone around them.

"Huh? Yeah, of course." Kurt gave him a grateful nod before hurrying off to the nearest men's room. He was a bit out of practice with this, and Barbra was hardly helping, so it took a bit longer than it should have. But eventually he was coming back out with a calm, clean baby to see his daughter sitting on the counter, sniffing a piece of paper with fervor.

"You're not getting my kid high on perfume, are you?" Kurt asked as he got Barbra adjusted back in the stroller.

"Gotta share the pain with someone." Sebastian said with a shrug, resting his chin on his hands and leaning against the counter.

"And a three year old was your best option?" Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, I'll take what I can get. And besides, she's having a great time. Aren't you…" He trailed off. Kurt smirked. "Talulah." He prompted.

"Talulah," A pause. "Talulah?" Sebastian turned an amused look on him. Kurt shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest loosely. It wasn't his first choice, or even in the top fifty, but it made Blaine so happy at the time. And who was he to not give Blaine anything he wanted?

"It's a lovely name." Sebastian succeeded, offering a polite smile.

"Right. So… what are you doing working here? No offense, but this was not what I expected from you. Not that I had any expectations anyway but… you know." Sebastian looked like he was about to say something offensive, no doubt. He had a mischievous glint in his eye that made him look ten years younger than he actually was, but instead he just nodded slowly.

"Macy is actually my great-grandmother." Kurt snorted.

"No kidding."

"One day, this empire will be mine."

"But for now you're just at the perfume counter." Kurt teased, gesturing around them. Sebastian sniffed.

"Hey, I have to raise up the ranks just like everyone else. It wouldn't be fair for me to go straight to the top so quickly, now would it?"

"Mm, I suppose not." Kurt nodded, flashing him a smirk that was thrown right back at him. They looked at each other for a few moments, an uncomfortable silence falling on them for the first time in this conversation, surprisingly enough. It should have happened way before, now that he thought about it. He hadn't even been friends with Sebastian. They were adversaries, this should have been awkward, upsetting, even. But then again, it had been over ten years. People change and grow and mature. Many of his feelings towards those years of his life could be summed up with a fond smile and a shrug of the shoulders. All of the bad memories with Sebastian included.

Sebastian cleared his throat and moved towards the cash register.

"Will you be paying with cash or card?" Kurt blinked, realizing the brief, entirely insane, conversation was over. He reached into his pocket for his wallet, fishing the hundred out.

"Ooh! Ooh! Daddy, lemme!" Lulu said, making grabby hands towards the bill. He chuckled and handed it to her, scooting her closer to the register. She handed it to Sebastian, who smiled sweetly at her.

Kurt chuckled softly and lifted her off of the counter and placed her back onto the ground. Sebastian made his change, gave it back, and handed him his receipt. Kurt thanked him and grabbed the small bag from him.

"Can I carry?" Lulu asked. Kurt handed it to her. "Okay, but be very, very careful. It's got glass and if it breaks it might poke your skin and we don't want that." Lulu hung on to every word and nodded obediently.

"Anything else I can help you with?"

Kurt walked to the back of the stroller, adjusting the diaper bag slightly so it wasn't in danger of falling out. "I think we're good. Thank you, though. It was… interesting to see you again." Sebastian smiled.

"Likewise."

"Well, if I never see you again after this, good luck with climbing that Macy's food chain." The other man chuckled.

"Thanks."

"Lulu, can you say thank you?" The little girl moved from where she was staring intently at the bag in her hands up to Sebastian, flashing him a grin.

"Thank yoooou!"

Kurt took her hand and continued to walk ahead. Unfortunately, the rest of their encounters with employees in the store hadn't been nearly as nice (he didn't blame them, it was the Christmas season. He knew the pain all too well) but they managed to find a few things and as they made their way back out, they exchanged waves with the ex-Warbler and left with smiles on their faces, something Kurt was sure didn't expect happening today. But life, he had come to learn, was full of surprises.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt hadn't thought about the encounter at Macy's until he was again face-to-face with that stupid smirk.

Kurt hadn’t thought much of the encounter after it happened. That night, after a glass or two of wine he popped over to Facebook to see if he could do some light stalking as per usual whenever he ran into someone from his past, but it seemed as though Sebastian Smythe didn’t have an account. So, he went to bed and didn’t think about it.

He didn’t think about it at the annual St. Berry Christmas party when Rachel opened the bottle of Marc Jacobs perfume in front of everybody during the gift exchange and gave her husband a huge hug and a “How did you know?!” Not even when Jesse came over to give him a firm pat on the back and thank him while he was mid-shoveling a pita chip into his mouth. Or later when Rachel demonstrated how to walk through the spray for Talulah, who had miraculously not let it slip that it had been Kurt who had bought the gift.

Just like how thoughts of Sebastian had become virtually nonexistent in his brain after graduating high school and leaving Ohio, this encounter also disappeared from his mind. He had more important things taking his brain power.

Speaking of, he was finally heading to meet his lawyer. It _would_ be like Blaine to do this during the holiday season, when everything he needed (lawyers, therapists, the new Alexander McQueen collection) wasn’t available to him. He cast those thoughts out of his head… for now. He had plenty of time to be pissed off once they got all of this paperwork done and made everything official. He needed to pretend that daddy and papa were fine, papa’s just working really busy with the show is all, a little bit longer. Not that Lulu would really even comprehend what was happening when they finally did decide to tell her, but he still wanted to put on a happy front. He needed to.

He had let the floodgates open too many times in regards to Blaine Anderson. He got blubbery and snotty and bloated, refused to leave his house, wore his grubbiest clothes and let himself feel like absolute garbage for too long. But not anymore. He was going to attack this specific heartbreak with poise and grace. He wasn’t going to get sloppy drunk and kiss other guys or break into sobs when he caught a glance at their wedding pictures scattered around their house. He was going to stay strong for himself and for their growing family.

As Kurt’s Uber pulled up to the office of Pierce, Bradley and Olison, he glanced down at his phone to check the time. Staring back at him was an ultrasound that made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. The only thing that could potentially push him over the teary edge was the thought of bringing a child into a broken home. Or not bringing the child home at all.

Blaine had met the woman carrying the baby in said ultrasound at an event at Harvey Milk Elementary School where they occasionally sang at and donated money to. Kurt had been sick and was unable to go, so Blaine went by himself. He wished now that he had just downed some Vitamin C and sucked it up so that he could have been there himself to talk his husband down, but it was a little too late for that now.

The woman, only nineteen years old, with a toddler of her own and a husband who had just lost his job, was about to be in her second trimester and looking for someone to adopt her baby. She laid her heart on the table there at that elementary school and Blaine Anderson, sympathetic to a fault, decided to take it into his careful hands. They were planning on trying to having a second child soon anyway, why not help a poor woman in need and give her child a good life?

Not long later, Blaine had done the unforgivable and Kurt was packing his husband’s bags.

Kurt blinked out of his reverie when the Uber driver was opening the car door for him. He gave him a polite smile and stepped out of the car. He swallowed thickly, smoothed down his blazer and walked into the building fully composed.

The meeting went well. Well, as well as it can go for a meeting about divorcing someone you’ve been with for almost half of your life. They were winding down when there was a soft knock and a head poking out of the office door.

“Hey Neil, you ready to — Oh, sorry. Didn’t know you were with someone.”

Kurt turned to look at the intruder and it was none other than Sebastian Smythe. Of course it was. The universe had a pretty wicked sense of humor, he had to admit. Sending in the person who was waiting to swoop in and steal his boyfriend back in high school on the day that he was finally loosening his grip on him, if not letting go completely. The person he had initially assumed Blaine’s attentions were straying to all those years ago when Kurt was more willing to forgive and forget.

He hoped they’d be very happy together.

“Oh, hey. No problem. We were just finishing up here. I’ll meet you in the lobby in five?”

Sebastian, who had been making intense eye contact with Kurt the moment he turned around, nodded and finally looked away, giving Neil a smile and ducking out. Kurt turned back around in his seat, not paying much attention to the rest of what was said. His eyes were glazed over as he got up out of his seat and showed himself out as the other man took a phone call and gave him a quick wave goodbye.

Kurt made his way out of the office and to the waiting room to get himself another Uber. He was too in his head to notice Sebastian walking towards him.

“You doing anything right now?” Sebastian asked, making Kurt jump a little as he looked up at him from his phone.

“What? Why?”

“Well, I have an hour for lunch and Neil just texted to let me know that something came up and he can’t go. And eating alone is… like, severely lame.” Kurt raised an eyebrow, his head still foggy from all of the talks of splitting assets and custody laws.

“Are you… Are you asking me to lunch?” Sebastian smirked. He looked just like a teenager when he did that, crows feet and glasses notwithstanding.

“Don’t make me say it.” The smirk settled into more of a wry smile. Kurt’s own mouth quirked a bit at that as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I think I’d like you to say it.” Kurt said, causing Sebastian to sigh dramatically.

“Fine. Will you do me the utmost pleasure of accompanying me to lunch?”

“Mm, I actually think I’m busy,” Kurt tapped his chin, lost in fake thought. After a moment he broke his facade and smiled. “But I guess I can spare an hour of my time.”

Kurt didn’t know why he said yes. He thought about it as they walked in silence to a quaint little cafe a few blocks down. He didn’t know Sebastian. Didn’t care to spend any time around him. Wasn’t even that hungry. But… he realized as they sat down and looked over their menus, he didn’t want to be alone right now. If Sebastian hadn’t approached him, he would have had to go back to an empty house and try not to think too hard about everything and break down.

He was thankful that Sebastian wasn’t immediately hounding him with questions about why he was seeing a lawyer. He wasn’t saying anything at all, come to think of it.

“How’s Grandma Macy?” Kurt asked, causing Sebastian to glance up at him, confused. He looked deep in thought as well, but it didn’t take more than a moment or two for him to go back to looking effortlessly cool and casual.

“She’s good. Very proud of my record cologne sales.” Sebastian replied, leaning back in his seat and adjusting his glasses on his nose.

“Hey, good for you. I mean… doesn’t seem that hard to sell since it’s always in demand. But congrats anyway. Is a promotion or raise on the horizon?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow, in a sort of challenge, looking more amused than embarrassed like he was trying to play at.

“No,” Sebastian bit his lip. “Not yet. But I see big things on the horizon. Today, perfume counter. Tomorrow, shoes.” Kurt laughed at that, causing Sebastian to smile in triumph.

“Dreaming big. I admire that.” Kurt said with a smile. He had to admit, it was refreshing being around someone with a sense of humor for once. For the last two months since he and Blaine announced their separation, his friends and family had been walking on eggshells around him. Treating him like a fragile bird, who if you touch a certain way or say a specific thing, you could wound.

Nobody had been laughing with him. About the breakup or anything.

Kurt had cracked the odd joke about being excited to finally get rid of all of the hair gel infesting his bathroom. About how he’d prayed he'd never have to see a bow tie again in his life and how God must be real because this showed somebody was listening, but those remarks never went over well. He swore, some people were taking this harder than _he_ was.

So, it was really nice to shoot the shit with somebody. Even if that somebody was Sebastian Smythe.

Speaking of, Sebastian was looking at him and Kurt was sure he hadn’t said anything in a hot second. But Sebastian wasn’t looking at him with confusion or annoyance. He was just… looking. A lazy smile on his face until Kurt blinked and came back to reality.

Kurt was honestly lost for words. What was there to say in these situations? Small talk seemed too… informal for someone who he was having lunch with. But this wasn’t the time nor the place nor the person to be having deep conversations with. Luckily any tension was momentarily dispelled when the waitress came over and took their orders and filled their cups with water. Drinking something gave him a distraction from saying something stupid.

“So,” Sebastian broke the silence and Kurt looked up at him from his eyelashes as he sucked at his straw. “How’s… Your daughter?”

“Talulah?” He prompted, an amused look on his face. “She’s fine. Still interested in the toys she got for Christmas and not just the boxes they came in, thank god.”

“And Rachel? Did she like the perfume?” Kurt raised his eyebrows, surprised that he remembered that detail, quite frankly. Though, it did have to do with his… line of work.

“She did. Apparently that’s the one she usually wears and she was running out.” 

Normally, Kurt would have known that fact about her. He used to know dumb little things about her like what perfume she wore and what pieces of jewelry were her favorite and went with each outfit the best. And while they were still pretty close, they had drifted apart over the last few years. She got her big break with Jane Austen Sings, got married, Talulah and Barbra were born. They weren’t teenagers that relied on each other for everything from emergency sticks of gum to boy problems anymore. The thought saddened him a little.

“I just still can’t get over how you’re still friends with her. That’s crazy to me. Though, I guess it would make sense if she was still with Finn.” Kurt’s face fell at that. The topic of Finn didn’t sting nearly as much as it used to. It had been a decade, after all. But it was still a sore spot. He thought about how if things had turned out differently, he would have called his brother over and invited him for pizza and mindless action movies after the meeting he just had.

“Finn actually… passed away. Ten years ago.” Kurt said, his voice soft. Sebastian’s face fell as well and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair as their drinks were brought out.

“I had no idea. I’m sorry.” Kurt just nodded. He was so not in the mood to be thinking about all of the years of Finn hugs he had missed out on and how he could really use one right about now.

“So, what have you been up to since those days back in Ohio? Other than being a record-breaking Macy’s employee.” Kurt asked. Sebastian seemed more than happy to change the subject.

“Well, I went to Columbia. Majored in economics. Went to law school. Which is actually where I met Neil,” Kurt nodded. “Did absolutely nothing with that education and decided to become a professional part-timer. Thus, Macy’s.”

“Huh.” Kurt let out, regarding the other. He honestly wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but that… certainly wasn’t it. But he figured that if a man in his late twenties was working at Macy's he wasn’t doing much else with his life.

“What about you? What have you done? Other than have a kid and remain close enough friends with Rachel Berry to babysit _her_ kid.”

Kurt explained everything to him. Well, everything that was easily available through a quick Google search. NYADA, Spotlight, Vogue, co-directing the New Directions, marriage (apparently Sebastian was there when Blaine proposed… a fact that made him slightly uncomfortable), Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf, Talulah. 

Sebastian, surprisingly, didn’t make many comments as he regaled him with the Sparknotes version of his life since high school. He just nodded along, seeming genuinely interested.

“Damn,” Sebastian huffed out once he finished, shaking his head. “That’s a lot of life to have lived this early.” Kurt nodded slowly. Wait until he heard about how he was getting a divorce and having a second kid at thirty. Talk about going full speed ahead in life.

“So, what do you do now?” Sebastian asked, causing Kurt to raise an eyebrow. “Like, now I know everything that you’ve done in the past ten years. What about now? This week? Today?”

“Sebastian, I don’t think we’re nearly close enough for you to have permission to see my extensive, color-coded Google calendar.” Kurt joked, causing Sebastian to smirk yet again. Old and young at the same time… He still wasn’t over it.

“That’s not what I’m asking. Though my interest is definitely piqued,” His face softened a bit. “I meant like… if you have a job? Hobbies? Auditions lined up?” Kurt hummed in recognition, thinking about it. It had been a long time since he actually talked himself in the present tense. Well, without mentioning the divorce or the doctor’s appointments.

“I’m a part-time faculty member at NYADA. So, I guess you could say I’m a part-timer, too. I also teach theatre workshops for high schoolers around the city,” He explained, smiling politely at the waitress as she brought them their food. He started to dig in almost immediately, realizing that he was actually hungry after all. “My agent usually has a good amount of auditions for me, but it’s been ages since I’ve actually went in for one. It’s gotta be really good gig to get me away from Talulah as long as I’d have to.”

“What —” Sebastian said, mid-chew. Kurt glanced up at him, crinkling his nose slightly in disgust until he swallowed it and continued. “What’s Blaine up to, then? He too busy to take care of her while you were in a show?” Kurt could tell Sebastian meant no harm in his question, but it hurt him a little more than it should have.

“He does eight shows a week over at Aladdin. It takes up most of his time, but it’s a pretty good paycheck. Can’t complain too much about that.”

“I can’t believe they brought that shit back. There’s way better Disney musicals out there by now, surely.” Sebastian said offhandedly. Kurt couldn’t help but smile at that comment because that is exactly what he thought when they announced its revival. Blaine was ecstatic. Kurt was underwhelmed.

“Better than Mary Poppins.” Kurt replied with a shrug, glancing up to see Sebastian flashing him a grin.

“Fuck Mary Poppins. I dated a guy who was the understudy for Bert when it came back a few years ago, and I swear… if I never have to hear ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’ again, I’ll die happy.”

The rest of Sebastian’s lunch hour went by way too fast. It was like as soon as he was starting to have fun talking to him is when he had to go. Sebastian seemed to have sensed this and as he put down his credit card to pay (they argued about who would pay for a solid ten minutes… it was surprisingly refreshing) he slid his phone across the table and prompted him to give him his number. There were no verbal promises or plans to do this again, but it was sort of unspoken as they made their way out of the cafe and went their separate ways. 

As Kurt waited for his ride, he caught himself smiling. This smile wasn’t for anyone else, wasn’t accompanied by an assurance that he was okay, or plastered on so that Talulah wouldn’t be worried. It was for himself only. For the first time in months, he felt okay enough to indulge in one of the smallest pleasures in life: smiling because he felt like it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt navigates the world of texting for the first time since he was a teenager while simultaneously dealing with things his texting partner has no idea about.

Kurt Hummel had not texted in a very long time, he realized.

It wasn’t just that he was so used to using the speech-to-text capabilities on his phone instead of typing with his fingers, though that was certainly something that was going to take some getting used to. But he had absolutely no recollection of texting etiquette. You would think that after so many teenage years spent successfully navigating the ins and outs of digital communication, it would have been forever engrained in his brain. Like knowing how to ride a bike or being able to believably pretend to enjoy sporting events. 

Maybe he knew how to text loved ones. He could craft a dozen texts to Rachel about his feelings on a particularly offensive outfit he saw or freshman who pissed him off and how he desperately hoped that they weren’t like that when they went to NYADA. Or regaling a tale of toddlerhood to his dad and Carole with an attached picture. Or twelve. 

All without the use of emojis, mind you.

But the last two people in his recent call list... those were the communications that stumped him the most, for two very different reasons. 

He used to know how to text Blaine. Hell, he used to know how to navigate the entire world with Blaine. But the thread between them had started to wear thin and when it finally snapped it was like he didn’t know the person on the other end anymore. It was like he was communicating with a stranger every time they shared a terse phone call to let the other know that they were outside with Talulah, waiting for the trade off. 

Kurt had always been the first to text in their relationship. But back when Blaine was just his blazer baring high school sweetheart and not his soon-to-be-ex-husband, he would answer promptly. It was like he was waiting on those stupid texts, looking forward to them. Like a puppy waiting patiently by the door for their owner to come back. He used to think it was cute. The Blaine attached to a seemingly endless mountain of legal paperwork would take _hours_ to reply. Not that that wasn’t to be expected. They were adults now, with jobs and lives and other things to attend to. But these weren’t just silly pick-up lines or heart emojis that could be blown off. They were urgent. They were about “meeting the lawyer” and “when can you take Talulah” and “you left this here do you still want it?”

It wasn’t just that Blaine wouldn’t reply. Sometimes he would, during the chunk of the show that Blaine wouldn’t be onstage or during warm-up. But he’d say “let’s talk about it later” or “can’t we just wait until the weekend when I see you next?” The Kurt that was married and comfortable and knew his husband, understood him would have tried to fight it. “No, I need to know now,” “your daughter misses you,” “if we don’t do it now it’ll never get it done,” “let’s just rip off the bandaid, shall we?” But this Kurt was cautious and nervous and… submissive. 

Kurt Hummel. Submissive. Who would have thought he’d see the day where _that_ happened?

Texting Sebastian was strange on every single level. It wasn’t just the smirk that made Kurt feel like he was transported back to high school. Having actual conversations only through text and not calling was very 2011 in itself, but the way he talked, spent his time crafting the perfect comeback or wording something to make a very specific impact instead of just the throwaway “wanna grab lunch?” text was very reminiscent of who he used to be.

Back then, Kurt was very deliberate in everything he did. He was trying to figure out who he was and once he found that out, he tried to assert that in every interaction. He was special and he needed everyone he came across to know that to an extent.

Kurt was so settled in where he was now. He had had the same friends, coworkers, connections and reputation for years and years. It wasn’t often that he met someone new and had to pull out the version of himself that he wanted that person to see and introduce them to him. And it was even more rare to meet somebody like Sebastian who kind of knew him, kind of didn’t. Only knew him as the flamboyant dreamer from Lima, Ohio (who was stood in the way of what Sebastian really wanted and was probably seen as more of a nuisance than anything else Kurt may have wanted to be seen as) and not the fabulous and settled New Yorker that he was today.

Trying to learn who he was without Blaine and tangling that into who he was before all while trying to create a pretty version of that person was proving difficult. Plus, he didn’t know whether or not it was appropriate to triple-text. Last he thought it wasn’t, read it in a magazine somewhere, but Sebastian did it quite often. Sebastian wasn’t a thirty year old father, though. He worked at Macy’s and lived in a Berry-Hummel-Lopez-esque loft with three other guys who, no doubt, were fun, young and knew when it was appropriate to send tongue-sticking-out emojis or how long of a space to leave in between messages.

It wasn’t like Kurt and Sebastian texted every single hour of every day. After they initially got each other’s numbers, there wasn’t a single text exchanged for weeks. Neither of them had extended an invitation for lunch, so there was no point to be communicating with each other. But out of the blue Sebastian had sent him a link to an old video of James Corden doing a production of Mary Poppins on the streets of London and they soon launched into easy conversation.

After a certain point, though, their correspondence did become fairly frequent. Well, frequent for someone who usually only texted Uber drivers and babysitters. And for two working adults, really. But it was fine.

It wasn’t all consuming, didn’t take too terribly much of Kurt’s time or brain power, even if he did spend the occasional couple of minutes figuring out the right wording for something. It was just a fun distraction. Something to keep his mind off of everything going on around him. Harmless exchanging of stories from their respective days at Dalton and the occasional banter about something that really didn’t matter in the scheme of things.

For every ignored text from Blaine, he’d get three or four from Sebastian that kept the ever-growing feeling of throwing his phone at a wall or doing something stupid like making a surprise visit to Blaine’s new apartment or the theatre at bay.

But today, no number of texts he got about the weird things Sebastian’s roommates did or his crack-up of a manager was going to put him in a good mood. Or a relatively decent mood, for that matter; 

Blaine was running late and Kurt was freaking out. He was sitting with Mary Ann (the woman carrying their child) in the waiting room of the OB-GYN and he swore he was going to have a panic attack. They were planning on finally telling her about the divorce today. They had made a plan to take her out to a nice restaurant after the appointment and tell her then, but Kurt didn’t know how much longer he could keep it in. He needed to know what he was going to do. He needed to know if he was going to be having another little baby to throw his everything into in a few months or if he was going to have to cling on to only one little one for comfort as the divorce was finalized.

Blaine was good at conversation. He could fill any awkward silence and diffuse most any tension in the air. He should be here to take the brunt of the small talk while Kurt took calming breaths and sang “My Favorite Things” on loop in his head until they went in. His phone started ringing and he startled, scrambling to fish it out of his bag, not looking at the caller ID as he put it to his ear.

“Where are you?!”

“Hello to you too, princess.”

Kurt sighed. Sebastian. 

As soon as he was about to reply, Blaine ducked into the room and Mary Ann’s name was called. 

“Hey. I’m at the doctor’s. Can I get back to you?” Blaine rushed to help Mary Ann out of the chair and Kurt trailed behind them as they made their way back to the doctor’s office.

“Uh. Sure.” Kurt didn’t bother saying goodbye, just hanging up and catching up to the others.

Kurt tried his hardest as they sat down and waited for the nurse to set up the ultrasound equipment not to shoot Blaine his dirtiest, “where the fuck were you?” look. He managed to catch Mary Ann’s eyes and return the smile she gave him, making the bad feelings in his gut simultaneously go away and come back full force. The two of them stayed silent as the nurse asked the girl the basic questions about how she was feeling, rubbing gel over her protruding belly.

Kurt glanced in Blaine’s direction, gauging his reaction. He wondered if he was nervous about telling Mary Ann about their situation. Was the thought of not getting to adopt this child they hadn’t met but were already so connected to as heart wrenching for him as it was for Kurt? If he had any negative emotions about any of that, it wasn’t plainly showing on his face, which was surprising as his husband was usually a very expressive person, wore his heart on his sleeve. He wondered if he ever remembered their plan since he didn’t really seem to care about what time the actual appointment was at.

Suddenly the sound of a heartbeat filled the room and he couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed at the man beside him.

“There he is.” The nurse said and Kurt’s head whipped around.

“Wait… he?”

Kurt figured this would be the right time frame to find out the sex and he was intending to tell the nurse that they wanted to wait to find out. But he was a bit… distracted. And still, she should have asked anyway. He couldn’t really fault her for blurting it out like that, but… it really wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“A little boy.” Blaine whispered beside him, clasping onto Kurt’s hand without hesitation. Kurt bit his lip, images of those stupid onesies with phrases like “daddy’s little rockstar” and “stud muffin” on them and baby suspenders flashing through his mind. He and Lulu having matching “big sister” and “little brother” shirts. A blue and yellow color scheme for the nursery with dark wood furniture and a _son_ to teach how to become a man like his father had done for him.  

It was a little bit easier to detach himself when he hadn’t known details like that. And he knew that the sex didn’t matter, wasn’t something that was going to be strictly enforced in his household, but it made things so much more real. This blob of cells was going to become a person with thoughts and feelings and a personality. He yearned not only for the small pleasures in coming up with a cute outfit to put him in but for the big things like watching him take his first steps. Learning his quirks and his personality traits, seeing the person he was growing into. Those were his favorite things about watching Talulah grow up the past three years and he longed for it again.

But in a matter of hours, he may not have it.

He had him now, though. And he would take advantage of that fact while he could, sitting in this doctor’s office on a cold January day, holding his almost ex-husband’s hand and blinking back tears as he watched the image of his _son_ wiggle on the screen.

Kurt checked his phone when they got out of the office, seeing that Sebastian had texted him pretty soon after he had initially called.

**From Sebastian Smythe (11:13am)**

_Why are you at the doctor? Is everything okay?_

Kurt smiled sadly at his screen. It was crazy how Sebastian Smythe of all people was the only one to text him asking how he was and he didn’t even know why he was at the doctor and how that could be affecting him.

Right now, even though he didn’t know the proper etiquette and was frankly not very good at it, he was thankful for the ability to text. It was easier to hide the pain and nerves bubbling up inside of him as they waited for their ride to the restaurant.

**To Sebastian Smythe (11:58am)**

_I hope so._

**From Sebastian Smythe (11:59am)**

_That’s not cryptic._

Kurt sighed. He wished he could just spill his guts without the other two knowing how he was feeling. They could eat complimentary bread and chit chat while he sent all of his worries into the digital ether.

**From Sebastian Smythe (12:01pm)**

_Is it about Talulah?_

Rachel would be too busy to reply. He didn’t want to stress his dad out before he knew all of the answers himself. Most of the other people in his contacts didn’t even know that he and Blaine were having another child. They were even a little cautious before the break-up, just in case something happened and Mary Ann changed her mind. 

**From Sebastian Smythe (12:09pm)**

_Hello?_

As his name flashed across his screen for a second time, Kurt wondered if maybe… No, he couldn’t. Their relationship wasn’t serious enough for this. Sebastian didn’t even know that he and Blaine were getting divorced. Even though they were occasionally friendly over text, they weren’t nearly close enough to be sharing the kind of information that Kurt needed to share.

But maybe that was the perfect situation. There was nothing to lose from Kurt ranting about this. If Sebastian got scared off and they stopped texting, nothing of value would be lost from Kurt’s life. And he really needed something in his life with low stakes right about now. As he climbed into the front seat of the car and Blaine and Mary Ann the back, Kurt took in a deep breath and started typing away. He read over the word vomit briefly and let out the breath as he sent it.

**To Sebastian Smythe (12:11pm)**

_No, it’s not about Talulah. It’s about my unborn son who shortly may or may not be my son anymore because Blaine and I are about to tell the woman carrying our baby that we’re getting a divorce. So, yeah. I hope everything’s okay._

**From Sebastian Smythe (12:12pm)**

_…Shit._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is said that good things come in threes. That is /not/ the case when he runs into Sebastian for the third time since their initial run-in.

Kurt was entirely grateful for the unusual amount of warm weather they were getting lately. And by warm, he meant that he didn’t have to wear thermal underwear and scarves that covered half of his face. It was very hard to make the harsh winters of New York look cute without sacrificing some if not all of the warmth puffy jackets provided him. Today he was sporting a pair of not-at-all-weather-proof knee high boots, a peacoat and a blissfully light scarf that wasn’t rubbing his neck raw. Being able to dress like this and not have to worry (too much) about the weather really lightened his mood, more than he ever thought being in the situation he was in. 

Of course dealing with a breakup of this proportion and having on top of that to deal with the normal stress of the holidays was excruciatingly emotionally exhausting in itself. But he was sure now, as the sun started to peek through the clouds and a chilly, but not unbearable breeze blew his bangs from his forehead that a good part of his bad mood was attributed to the blistering winter they had been experiencing.

Maybe he mood was also lifted a tiny bit by the shopping bag sitting next to him, filled to the brim with baby clothes. Mary Ann was initially hesitant, which Kurt totally and completely understood, but after consulting her husband and taking a week to think about it she decided that she was still on board to let them adopt her baby. Of course, this was going to set the process of getting their divorce finalized back a little bit since they had to wait for him to be born to add him to the ever growing pile of paperwork, but he didn’t mind. He was having another baby and he couldn’t be happier.

Well, he could. But he wasn’t going to think about it.

Kurt loved this part of the having-a-baby process. And not just because he loved shopping and babies needed a lot of things, though that was a big part of it. He enjoyed the excitement that came with it. It thrummed through him. There wasn’t a moment he wasn’t thinking about little toes and nursery themes. Closer to the due date he would go into a panic (he threw up almost every day for a week leading up to Lulu’s birth) pretending to worry about insignificant things like whether or not this onesie was the right choice for when they brought her back from the hospital or second guessing his choice of bottles when he was really worrying about whether or not he was going to be a good father.

This time, he knew, it was going to be a lot worse. This time he wasn't going to have Blaine there talking him down and kissing his worries away. That and his fears were going to be intensified times two because he didn’t have someone to lean on if he screwed up. If the baby started screaming and he couldn’t figure it out, if it wasn’t Blaine’s day to help (two times a week until he was a year old, they decided), he couldn’t just hand him off to his husband to let him soothe him and vice versa.

Kurt wasn’t going to be completely alone. Blaine would take them during the days Kurt was working, Kurt all day he wasn’t working and the nights when Blaine was at the show (god, that was going to be hectic) and there was always Rachel and Jesse. His dad and Carole, too, if it came to that. But still.

It was going to be hard. But Kurt Hummel was a fighter. He was going to make it through this. He had to. 

Cheating husband be damned.

Kurt was enthralled in an article in his magazine (Vogue, of course. It was the only company he still supported through this dying medium) and casually sipping at his coffee when a sudden shadow was cast over him. He glanced up to see none other than Sebastian sitting in front of him, a coffee of his own in hand.

Add that to the list of things to put Kurt in a bad mood: cold weather and that _stupid_ meerkat.

Ohio was a small place. Constantly seeing Sebastian at the Lima Bean wasn’t really that crazy in the scheme of things. But New York City was fucking _huge_ and he somehow he had managed to run into Sebastian Smythe three times in the matter of two months. Not even at the same place. Three separate locations.

Now _that_ was crazy.

“You didn’t answer my text.” Sebastian said, the very picture of nonchalance. Kurt’s brows furrowed a bit and his eyes moved back to the page.

“I’ve got a life. You should get one, they’re pretty nice.”

Kurt had almost immediately regretted sending that text the day of the doctor’s appointment. There was a reason he didn’t want Sebastian to know that he was getting a divorce. Or really anyone that wasn’t near and dear to him until it actually happened. Not that he was banking on them getting back together and having to awkwardly inform people that “nope, I was just kidding, not happening, check back in a few years.”

Being this person, the guy who was only thirty with a kid and another on the way and was about to be a divorcee… it was never someone he thought he’d be. Those were the people who got stuck in Lima. _He_ made it out, he was supposed to have a different ending. He knew that the more he told people, the more people would start getting ideas in their head of him and the more he might start to embody those things.

He was still the same Kurt Hummel who made it out of Ohio. Maybe even a little bit better than that starry eyed kid. Now… he was just a little bit broken. But nobody needed to know that.

Especially not the guy who used to terrorize him in high school. Someone who, if something like this was going down way back then would have torn him to shreds. He didn’t need that potential looming over him.

His need to _not_ be scrutinized weighed way more than his need for a texting buddy right now. No matter how entertaining and distracting their conversations were.

“Only if I can get a money back guarantee.” Sebastian retorted, leaning back in his seat. Kurt didn’t dignify him with a reply. Just intently stared at the page and silently hoped he would get the message and just go away. And delete his phone number while he was at it.

He could feel Sebastian’s eyes boring into him, like they had every time they unexpectedly run into each other so far. What was this guy’s deal with staring at him like that? Was he expecting lasers to come out of his eyes and obliterate Kurt on sight? 

Now Kurt sort of wishes that he was living in a comic book world like that. It would be a lot better than sitting here with a sick feeling in his stomach.

“Subtext by Calvin Kline.” The other man said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Excuse me?” Kurt finally made eye contact with him. 

“Subtext… by Calvin Kline. It’s the scent sample in this month’s edition.” Sebastian replied, nodding towards the magazine in his hands. Kurt raised an eyebrow.

“You sure that’s not just a Legally Blonde reference?” He said, casually flipping the page, pretending like he wasn’t looking for the sample Sebastian was talking about.

“Mm, I think I would remember that. I’ve seen that movie at least twelve times.”

“It’s from the musical.” 

“They made a musical?!” Kurt snorted… against his better judgement.

“And you call yourself a law student,” Kurt glanced back up at him and caught Sebastian shrugging, a smile playing at his lips. He moved to take a sniff, wincing as he pulled the magazine away from himself. “God, that smells awful.” 

Sebastian leaned forward and Kurt offered him the page, watching as he sniffed and crinkled his nose in distaste.

“You would think with a name like Subtext it would be a little more… subtle.” Sebastian quipped, leaning back again. 

“Maybe that’s the point. Maybe at first whiff it’s bad, but you gotta go in again and take in the hints of,” Kurt took another sniff. “Eucalyptus?” 

“Damn,” Sebastian chuckled. “Maybe _you_ should be the one working at Macy’s.” Kurt scoffed, setting the magazine down.  

“I’m good.”

“Are you?” Sebastian asked, suddenly getting serious. The look the other was giving him made him shift uncomfortably in his chair. This was another reason why he wanted as few people to know as possible. These types of conversations, where the other looked at him with pity and gave him those pathetic pats on the back and half-hearted words of encouragement made him want to crawl out of his skin.

The silence loomed over them for a few moments. Kurt wasn’t sure how to answer. He didn’t feel like giving the typical answer when people asked him that. That didn’t feel appropriate, for whatever reason. He didn’t want to tell him the truth either which was “absolutely fucking N.O.” 

“Working on it.” Kurt settled, offering him a shrug. Not accompanying a meek smile like he did for the rest. He kept his face schooled and his shoulders loose. He wasn’t going to put on a mask any more, it was exhausting. He was just going to let Sebastian read him however he wanted to and not worry about the repercussions of that.

“You don’t have to talk to me about it,” Sebastian said, adjusting his own expression to match Kurt’s. He couldn’t tell if he was being transparent as well or putting up his own walls. “But like… if you need to. You know I’m always on my damn phone.” The corner of Kurt’s lip twitched up a bit at that.

“One of these days Grandma Macy is gonna find out about that and I doubt she’s gonna be happy.” He was glad that some of the tension had dissipated now. 

“Fuck that old coot. She gets to sit in a cushy apartment on the Upper East Side and get her rocks off with Orville Redenbacher, or whatever, while I —"

And for the first time in a very long time, Kurt laughed so hard that his sides hurt.

At first Sebastian just stared at him with a mixture of amusement and confusion. Like he hadn’t expected his comment to get this reaction. But somehow it hit Kurt’s funny bone just right and he was doubled over with laughter. It didn’t take long for Sebastian to follow suit and for the rest of the people in the outdoor seating to gawk at them. 

People in Manhattan just really didn’t have a sense of humor.

“Fuck, Kurt,” Sebastian spoke up in between wheezes, “If I had known that I could make people laugh like that, I would have ditched law school and tried my hand at becoming a comedian.” Kurt shook his head, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He watched as Sebastian did the same, the smile lines by his eyes softening a bit but not disappearing completely. 

“Thank you,” Kurt said without thinking. Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him. “I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.” Sebastian’s entire face softened at that for a brief moment before he was back to the smirking and eyebrow wiggling. 

“Glad to be of service.” 

The next day at the store, he made sure to snap a silly selfie of him and the box of popcorn he was purchasing and sent it to Sebastian, receiving a text back that read:

_Forget Klaine. That right there… is a match made in heaven._

Months ago, seeing or hearing that stupid couple name would have made his chest hurt a little bit. But today as he got received an equally stupid selfie of Sebastian flipping off his Macy’s name tag… he felt absolutely nothing. And that… that was a big _something._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine finally sort out their belongings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a damn ROLL, y'all! I just have /years/ of pent up feelings about Kurt and how things really would have ended up if this were the real world and Kurt was, y'know... in character and not just half of a really unhealthy but SoOo gif-able couple. So, sorry for the couple of chapters of the tell not show inner-monologue, self-discovery stuff. I just needed to get it out. Divorcing is a huge thing and Kurt and I just need to get a grip on what he's feeling before we morally feel ready for a new relationship, you know? AKA Kurtbastian is coming soon, I swear! Thanks for being patient, young padawans.

“Oh, Kurt, we _can’t_ get rid of that. Remember, we bought it when —“

This had been going on for _hours._ It had taken Kurt several weeks to get Blaine to actually come over and sort through their belongings and now he was starting to regret asking him over at all.

Kurt would put something in the donate or throw away pile and Blaine would object, performing some tear-filled soliloquy about each item’s significance to him, to _them._ This happened for Every. Single. Item. He couldn’t touch anything without his husband trying to take him down memory lane with him.

“But Kurt! You love this thing!”

“Don’t need it.”

“We got that at that thrift shop on 42nd, remember?”

“The one that closed down?”

“That’s an antique!”

“All the more reason to sell it.”

“Kurt…”

“What?!” Kurt finally snapped. Blaine’s eyes were honest-to-god teary this time.

“That… was a wedding present. From my grandmother.” Kurt’s eyes shifted to the gravy boat in his hands. He remembered when Blaine’s grandmother gave it to them.

She insisted on watching them open it instead of leaving it on the table with everything else. They had been surprised when she came. Blaine’s own parents left them dangling until the very last second for their still very hesitant RSVP, so it was honestly astounding to see the even more conservative 80 year old Filipino woman in attendance.

She told them a long-winded story about how it was given to her and her husband as a wedding present when they first came to America. She had no idea what it was or what it was used for and thought it was the ugliest thing she had ever seen. Then the person who gave it to her (one of their only neighbors in Ohio who didn’t shun them) explained the American tradition of Thanksgiving and family and bringing people together, no matter how much they didn’t see eye to eye, just to spend time in each other’s company. Blaine’s grandmother had explained the same thing to them and Kurt remembered how much it touched his heart at the time.

It remained untouched through every Thanksgiving since then.

“You can have it.” Kurt conceded, handing it over to him. Blaine gave him a watery smile and put it in the pile of the things he would be taking with him to his apartment.

They went at it for another hour before deciding to call it and order lunch. As soon as Blaine got off the phone with the pizza place, Talulah woke up from her nap. Kurt went to get her, walking around the room and bouncing her on his hip as she started to get a bit fussy. He didn’t blame her. 

He looked around the room, seeing the piles he had started to work on on his own of baby things. A pile to give to Rachel, a pile to throw away, a pile to keep for the next baby. Kurt was glad that Blaine had let him deal with everything on that front by himself. He couldn’t imagine the types of waterworks that would come every time Blaine saw an outfit that he remembered or a book that he read Lulu to sleep with on the off occasion he was home at night. That and he knew that he too would get emotional himself (he already had when he started that process a few days ago) and he didn’t need Blaine to see that.

His relationship he could get over easily enough. Marriages end. People change and grow. But anything having to do with his child, something that he and Blaine created together that would never go away… That was something that might send him over the edge. He was going to have that bond with Blaine forever through their children and if he let himself be vulnerable with those feelings in front of his emotionally manipulating husband, he might do something stupid like take him back. Work on becoming a family again.

He had always been a sucker for Blaine Anderson. Even when Blaine Anderson didn’t deserve his love.

Talulah was calming down now and Kurt decided to take her out into the living room. Blaine had his back to him, admiring their gallery wall filled to the rim with pictures. Pictures from high school, college, their wedding, performing at Lincoln Center and them with Talulah in various settings. It was like a museum of Kurt and Blaine.

One that was shutting down permanently.

“Such good memories.” Blaine said with a sad smile on his face, not looking over at Kurt and Talulah who had moved to stand by his side and take it all in. Kurt hummed in agreement. They were. Nothing in one of these pictures of smiling faces showed a bad memory. Sure, if he really thought about it he could remember some negative parts of the memories, like when Blaine missed a line during one performance of Virginia Woolf and almost sent the whole thing to a screeching halt or when he got horrifically sunburned on his honeymoon and it hurt to exist for an entire month afterwards.

These pictures though, with smiling acne-covered faces posing with their Nationals trophy and unposed kisses, didn’t show the bad times. Didn’t show the way Kurt’s face would get blotchy when he cried after a fight or Blaine’s broken hand after he got so mad he punched a hole through the door of their last apartment. There were no conveniently timed snaps of the moment Blaine finally and completely ripped Kurt’s heart in two when he admitted that he had shared an intimate night with a cast member only months before.

Kurt and Blaine had led a good life as far as things go. They both shared a good amount of success in their careers, did some traveling, made a home together, raised a child. These were the things that Kurt in his darkest, lowest moments back when he was a scared, closeted teenager couldn’t even dream of happening to him and it had. He would always be grateful to Blaine for giving him a daughter and now a son, would always cherish the moments of firsts he gave him.

But now he had to let it go. He couldn’t spend the rest of his life in the past. He had so many good years ahead of him, so many more happy memories to refill this wall and several others.

“I’m going to miss you, Kurt.” Blaine whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks as he finally looked up at him.

For the first time in several months Kurt didn’t have the urge to roll his eyes or say something like “you don’t deserve to miss me” or “you did this to yourself” like one of his more feisty coworkers had suggested. He knew Blaine Anderson like the back of his hand and this time, this was not fake. This wasn’t a tactic to get Kurt to take him back or make what he had done not seem as big of a deal as it was (the latter something he had done once lawyers became involved). This was the beginnings of closure.

Kurt took Blaine’s hand in his free one and squeezed it, returning the sad smile he had given him. He felt emotion swell up inside of him as well but swallowed it down.

It had initially taken Blaine quite a long time to take Kurt’s feelings about the situation seriously. Even when he was crashing on someone’s couch and being served divorce papers he was still very much in denial. Once it had hit him that this was real, they weren’t just taking a break this time, he scrambled. He came to Kurt on his knees, begging for him to take him back. 

He offered to pay for couple’s therapy, (“spend your money on something useful, like putting food in your child’s mouth”) go to a sex addiction support group, (“you don’t have a sex addiction, Blaine, you’re just selfish”) swore on every single dead relative’s grave that he was never going to do it again (“that’s what you said last time and don’t you _dare_ bring Finn into this”). Kurt even got a wildly inappropriate serenade at work from him that was really the straw the broke the camel’s back and sent him into full gear with the divorce stuff. He even considered getting a restraining order that was how much Blaine was on him all the time, non-stop. 

Blaine knew he had completely and utterly fucked up and he had no idea how to fix it. At this very moment as Kurt looked at him with dry eyes and a death grip on their daughter, Kurt could tell that Blaine was finally coming to terms with the fact that there was no way to fix it this time. There was no love song in the entire music anthology that could repair the damage that had been done.

After the initial emotional jolt he got from Blaine’s words he realized, as he let go of Blaine’s hand and handed over a grabby-handing Talulah, he wasn't going to miss him all that much. Missing Blaine was going to be like missing being a teenager.

Something would trigger a moment of fondness, but after the initial “aw moment” there’d be a bad aftertaste in his mouth. He’d yearn for the days he looked so damn youthful, for the butterflies that erupted in his stomach at every little touch, for the dreams that were limitless. Then he’d be transported back to being thrown in a dumpster, shoved in the background in Glee club, arguments about what cheating looked like and how it was all Kurt’s fault, anyway and he’d be left with a bad aftertaste in his mouth until he went through the process of remembering all over again.

Everything about Blaine was just so dreamy teen movie love interest (serenades on the steps of McKinley, cheesy lines, holding hands) and not responsible yet irresistible romantic comedy partner-in-life anyway (answers his damn phone, genuinely cares about what he has to say, makes him fall in love over and over again). He couldn’t believe it had taken yet another instance of Blaine cheating on him for him to realize that Blaine wasn’t what he needed anymore. Maybe he was when he was sixteen and needed someone who knew what he was going through. Maybe even up until he graduated high school, someone to teach him how to love somebody else and how to be loved back. But after that…

Blaine was perfect for somebody. He knew that as he watched him spin around the room with their giggling toddler in his arms, humming a jolly tune that didn’t reflect what he was obviously feeling inside. He had always known that. Kurt had just been naive and… _comfortable_ enough to believe that Blaine was perfect for _him._ Now it was costing him.

Better late than never, he supposed as he put on his best it’s-going-to-be-okay smile and joined in on the dance.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt sells the couch in his living room in order to make room for bigger and better.

”You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Language, Kurt. Jesus. You’ve got a kid _right there._ ”

Kurt quickly looked back at Talulah. She didn’t seem to be too affected by his words. She didn’t even look up, too busy playing with her dolls to notice the obscenities.

“What are you doing here?” He asked once he whipped his head back around to look at Sebastian. Sebastian who was on his door step at the exact time he had agreed to meet with _ssstudio…_

“I’m here to see the couch. This is apartment 41, right?” Sebastian asked, a look of amusement on his face as he peeked in a little more, getting very close to invading Kurt’s personal space in the doorway.

“That it is.” Kurt said, tensing up a bit, crossing his arms over his chest. He had a sneaking suspicion that this was a joke. A stupid joke if anything, but it seems like something Sebastian would do. Though there wasn’t much validity to that thought since he didn’t really _know_ Sebastian. They still texted pretty regularly and Sebastian had even allowed him to add him as a friend on his private Facebook account (he had a different name on there, Baz Smith, to weed out… well, people like Kurt trying to find him) so they were… something. 

Acquaintances seemed too casual for people who had their own inside jokes and sent each other pictures of stupid things they saw on the streets but friends seemed way too personal. Sebastian knew things that not even the people he saw several days of the week at work knew, like the fact that he was going through two of the biggest life events there are at the same time. But apart from the fact that those things were happening, he didn’t know much else. Didn’t even know _why_ they were getting a divorce.

Friends seemed too personal. But maybe that was because the only people he considered friends were the people he had known for years who knew his deepest, darkest secrets. Sebastian was just… a person he knew.

Certainly not someone he felt comfortable with coming into his house. Especially while Talulah was there.

Not that he thought Sebastian would like, tag his walls or steal his baby. He wasn’t the nefarious mustache twirling villain Kurt saw him as in high school. Just a guy who had an obnoxious sense of humor who could have him laughing until it hurt to irritating him in two seconds, flat.

A guy who wanted to buy his couch, apparently.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” Sebastian asked, the amused smile still on his face, an eyebrow cocked. Kurt sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and thought about it for a moment before wordlessly moving aside and allowing him to come in. He closed the door behind him as Sebastian wandered in. 

Instead of going to look at what he came here to see, he wandered over to the wall still full of pictures of he and Blaine. After that night Kurt didn’t have the heart to take them down just yet. Plus he hadn’t had time to print out some different pictures to put in their place yet. He had an entire album on his desktop with options, some really golden ones he couldn’t believe he overlooked when they first started constructing this particular wall years ago.

“This is disgusting.” Sebastian said with a laugh, jabbing his thumb at one of the pictures. Kurt followed him and his eyes followed where he was pointing. He and Blaine were in the kitchen of the loft, wearing matching aprons that Kurt had bought as a gag gift at the end of Blaine’s freshman year of college. One saying “Mr. Cooks It All” and the other “Mr. Eats It All.” Blaine had gotten the freshman fifteen big time and Kurt took it on himself to teach Blaine how to cook healthy food for himself, much like he had done for his dad years before. Blaine suggested them getting silly matching aprons for their cooking lessons and Kurt spent several days internet browsing before finding the perfect ones.

In the picture, Blaine has his arm wrapped around a fake-annoyed Kurt, chocolate sauce covering half of his grinning face. He remembered the caption on Instagram read something like:

_Ready to beat ya, Freshman Fifteen! …Tomorrow._

Even though Blaine kept on that weight and added a few more pounds throughout the years, those aprons got a good amount of use. They were lost in one of their several moves a few years ago, though. Shame. There weren’t nearly as many cute aprons for a single cook.

“You think that’s bad? I, personally, think this one is one of our worst.” Kurt said, pointing to one of the ones towards the top, where he couldn’t reach. He put it up there for a reason. It was hard to see.

After Kurt’s senior ditch day at Six Flags, Blaine decided that he too wanted to go to the theme park. Kurt didn’t particularly like amusement parks. They were crowded and hot and sticky. The only time he had been even a little bit enthusiastic about going to one was when they went to Disney World and even then it was a bit too much for him. Clean, though, he had to give them that.

But Kurt did most anything Blaine wanted so they went one-on-one. Blaine went on every single roller coaster, mostly by himself since Kurt didn’t feel like dying today, thanks. He had held Blaine’s obnoxiously big cotton candy as he spent a solid fifty dollars trying to win Kurt a stuffed bear until Kurt finally forced him to cut his losses and stop. The gesture was sweet but if Kurt was going to be standing in the sun for half an hour, he was at least going to be getting on a ride at the end of it.

They were about to finally retire for the day when they passed by one of those shops that took old timey souvenir photos and Blaine decided that he and Kurt just had to have a picture in those stupid costumes. Kurt, never one to turn down the opportunity to play dress up even when he was filthy and exhausted, went along with it and the photo turned out absolutely awful. The teenage employee hadn’t centered the camera so only half of Kurt’s body was in the shot and the whole photo was just slightly blurry to where it wasn’t obvious but still really irritating to look at. The kid offered to retake it but Blaine thought it was hilarious and spent another fifty dollars on it.

“That’s awful.” Sebastian laughed, his eyes flicking from the photo down to Kurt.

“He paid money for that. Real, actual money. It’s been hanging in every apartment we’ve ever had. I can’t wait to get rid of it,” Kurt explained, chuckling with him. He was glad it was starting to get easier to look back on those moments in his life. Life was about to get a lot harder pretty soon and he really didn’t need every little reminder of Blaine weighing down on him all the time. He got enough of it with the curly-haired toddler running around.

“So, _ssstudio,_ ” Kurt moved to the couch, gesturing to it. “Here it is. Nothing really special. It’s still in good condition, I’d say. Only a few years old.” He tossed a glance over his shoulder to make sure Talulah was still in her spot playing with her toys.

“I don’t know… Is there some history behind it that I should be aware of?” Sebastian asked, taking a few steps closer to it, looking it over.

“Um. Well, there might be some baby spit up on the back of one of the cushions. But I made sure to clean most of it whenever it happened to it wouldn’t stain.” Kurt explained.

“Good to know but… not really what I was talking about.” Sebastian wasn’t looking at Kurt now, but from what he could see of the other’s face he could tell he was smirking again.

“Um. I mean, if you’re wondering whether or not I have some kind of weird, sentimental attachment to it, I don’t. I just wanna get rid of it. Get something… new in here.”

Ever since he had finally, officially kicked Blaine out, he felt very uncomfortable in his home. This place specifically, the one they got to be their first ever family home, was very much a combined effort. Kurt usually decorated their other places with the exception of the loft which was a team effort but this time around Blaine wanted to pitch in and help. Make it feel like his home too since it was going to be a lot more permanent than the rest. They had bought it. It was completely theirs. Something that was going to have to be split somehow even though it was just Kurt that was going to be the one living in it and paying it off for probably the rest of his life.

Now that it was just going to be him and Talulah and the baby, he needed this space to be his. He had never in his life had his own apartment, never had the opportunity to see what an entire place that was totally his would be like.

Step number one of a very long, expensive redecorating process was getting rid of that couch. It had been a placeholder for a better one, just so they had furniture when they first moved in but remained there. If Kurt was feeling more poetic it might be like a symbol of him getting rid of the placeholder in their relationship. Just stay there, make the money, feed the baby until everything’s settled down and we can be in love again.

It never happened.

“Again, good. Noted. But what I’m asking is if there has been, y’know… relations —“

Kurt’s eyebrows flew up in surprise and he quickly jumped in to reply.

“No! God no! Oh my god, no. It would be going in the dumpster if that were the case. Or set on fire.” He could feel his face starting to burn up. Kurt Hummel was way more mature now than when he had been a blushing virgin in high school but that still felt very private and very, very uncomfortable to be talking about in any capacity in front of Sebastian Smythe. His friend-not-friend-slash-former-enemy Sebastian Smythe.

“Good,” The other man said, a cocky grin on his face as he moved to lounge on it. “I’ll take it.” Kurt let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank god. I was really not looking forward to having any more strange men traipsing around my apartment.” Kurt chuckled as he moved to sit on the edge of the couch. Sebastian feigned offense, clutching his chest dramatically.

“I’m not a strange man!”

“Have you ever met yourself? You’re pretty strange.” Kurt retorted and sat down, pushing Sebastian’s long, outstretched legs out of the way, getting a scoff in response.

“Says the man who has a collection of Beanie Babies in storage.”

“I told you that in confidence!” Kurt cried, swatting at the legs now moving to rest on Kurt’s lap.

He was still holding out hope that those things would make him very rich one day. Especially the Princess Diana one.

“So,” Kurt said, causing Sebastian’s snickers to die down a bit, “When can you come get this thing out of here?”

“Today work?” Kurt’s eyebrows flew up once again. “Like… within the next hour. My roommates already rented a U-Haul and they’re a few blocks away with it.” Kurt let out a disbelieving laugh.

“Sure.” Was all he could say. Sebastian flashed him a grin and pulled out his phone to let his roommates know that they could come up.

Sebastian had told him a little bit about his roommates in the past, but experiencing them in person was certainly… different.

Sebastian was the oldest out of all of them at twenty-nine, with two of them being in their mid-twenties and another who was only twenty himself, a student at NYU. And of course they were all extremely good looking.

Andrew, a lanky guy with bottle cap glasses (for prescription or fashion even Sebastian didn’t know) hair to the heavens and legs that went on for days came in first, immediately spotting Talulah and squealing in glee. 

The next was the youngest, Mason, a mini-David Karofsky as Sebastian once described him. He was a total beefcake that stood at a hilarious five-foot-five. He was simultaneously drowning in and filling out his hoodie, rolling his eyes as Andrew rushed to kneel next to the confused looking Talulah, raving about how adorable she was. 

Last was Emery, the tallest man he had ever seen in his life which was saying a lot as Finn had stood at six-foot-four and was often regarded as the Jolly Green Giant incarnate. Other than his height he was quite normal looking, sporting a nicely groomed beard and a bald head. He had to duck to get through the door.

It took everything in him not to laugh at the image of the four of them standing together, trying to figure out the best way to maneuver the couch out. They were the most rag-tag group of people he had ever seen in his life, with the exception of the New Directions who housed almost every type of person to exist at one point or another during their short stint at McKinley High.

Kurt, trying not to stare too much, moved to sit with Talulah, watching as she played with her dolls. After a while Andrew drifted over to them and struck up a conversation with Kurt about their respective kids. He learned that Andrew worked at a daycare not too far from where Kurt lived and that of course, they were always taking new kids and that he would love to see Talulah’s cute face there sometime.

“Dude, can you stop going on about pinchable cheeks for like two seconds and help us?” Mason griped.

“Is that an invitation? Because I could talk for hours about _your_ pinchable cheeks, baby,” Andrew flashed him a wink and Mason immediately turned beet red. “Plus, I’m not the one who got drunk on _Smirnoff Ice_ and RKO’d the couch until it snapped in half like the Titanic. So.” This made Mason turn even more red somehow and he could even see Emery looking a bit embarrassed. Sebastian gave Kurt an amused look and Kurt returned it, the smile on his face almost painful.

Andrew didn’t put up much of a fight after that, moving to the others and helping lift the couch. Kurt moved to scoop up Talulah, offering to open the door for them at the bottom of the stairwell. They all agreed and Kurt went down there to wait for them. He sang softly to Talulah as they waited, shutting up once the boys got closer and he could hear them bickering at each other, yelling “pivot!” repeatedly until one of them broke and started to laugh and they had to take a break to calm down. This happened at least three more times, causing the good-natured fighting and the “shut the fuck ups” to continue all the way to the ground floor.

Once he could see them coming down the last set of stairs he moved to open the door. He stepped outside to give them more space and prop the door with his foot and it was a little colder than he expected. He wrapped his cardigan around Talulah a bit, exchanging nods and polite smiles with each man as they passed through the doorway.

He watched as they got the couch, the one he fed and burped and napped with his first baby on, into the U-Haul and felt the tiniest bit nostalgic. He wasn’t lying when he told Sebastian he didn’t have a huge emotional attachment to it, but there was something about seeing it packed away for good, to see its new owners testing it out upstairs that made him feel something. And as stupid as it sounded (since it wasn’t an unwanted puppy or one of his favorite sweaters that he outgrew) he was glad it was getting a good home.

“You can see it whenever you’d like.” Sebastian had told him, that ever-present smirk on his face as he doled out six hundred dollars cash from his wallet and put it in Kurt’s hand. Kurt and Sebastian said their goodbyes to each other and when Kurt prompted Talulah to say goodbye as well, she threw her tiny had up in the sky and waved towards the moving truck, yelling:

“Bye-bye, couch!”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt tries not to let the emptiness in his living room caused by a lack of couch affect the emptiness he feels in his heart and put a crack in his resolve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A good chunk of this chapter ended up being a not-so-subtle love letter to Jesse St. James. I have a newfound love for that guy, I just had to write out my feelings a bit. For that, I apologize. But the next chapter (I decided to split this one because it was getting a little too meaty) will focus more on my first loves, Kurtbastian. So, watch out for that!

Not having a couch in their living room was actually quite fun for a few days. He and Talulah had a picnic on the floor one afternoon, a tea party another, a blanket fort. One evening he invited Rachel, Jesse and little Barbra over for a movie night. The St. Berrys brought over some of the blankets and pillows from their own home to add to the ones that had already been accumulated throughout the week to make a big nest for them all to lay out on.

Talulah insisted on watching Frozen and since Barbra was too young to voice her own opinion, that’s what they ended up watching. There had been so many obnoxious Disney movies that had come out since that one with songs catchy enough for kids to scream sing for hours on end but out of the entire catalog, Frozen was the worst out of all of them. 

Damn Idina Menzel and her ability to turn anything she touched to gold.

Kurt and Rachel were passive fans of Disney themselves. It was their husbands who were really into it, knowing every song in the anthology by heart, both the melodies and harmonies in the case of emergency duets. The one summer the four of them were all miraculously free at the same time, their boys had planned a week-long trip to Disney World filled with sunburns, spontaneous singing and lots and lots of sangrias. After all, it would probably be their last time to be there without kids, so why not live it up?

So, when Blaine couldn’t be there to belt out the frustratingly catchy tunes with Talulah, Uncle Jesse came to the rescue. He put on quite a performance too for someone whose audience was a three year old. Kurt watched, wine in hand as the two of them sang the movie’s duet together. Of course, Talulah stumbled over the words a bit and Kurt had to bite back a laugh as a flash of tension passed over Jesse’s face. He had mellowed out a hell of a lot since he and Rachel got married, even more so after having Barbra, but he was still very much a director at heart and needed every performance to be perfect, even if it was by a toddler who was just having fun singing with her uncle.

He looked over at Rachel who had the one year old Barbra in her lap, watching the scene with hearts in her eyes. She swayed the baby back in forth in time to the music and when her husband caught her eye, the two of them started singing the rest of the song to each other.

There was never a moment where these two could pass up an opportunity to sing to each other, pure emotion radiating off of them, even in silly, light-hearted moments such as this.

Each phrase of “with you” was directed towards a different person in the room, indicated by huge grins, pointed fingers, winks, and elbow nudges.

The last line of the song and subsequently the marriage proposal was directed, dramatically towards Talulah who enthusiastically said “yes” and leaped into Jesse’s arms to hug him. The rest of the night was filled with more fun and shenanigans. 

Kurt had really needed this, he realized, needed to just let loose and laugh and sing with his favorite people.

Once Talulah and Barbra were put to bed, the adults finished off the bottles of wine that Rachel and Jesse had brought in a comfortable silence. Once they were warm and sated, they moved to cuddle up on the blanket nest together. Kurt was in the middle with Jesse and Rachel on either side. Rachel had her head on Kurt’s chest, humming as he played with her hair. Jesse had his leg sprawled out over Kurt’s legs and his arm splayed out against Kurt’s stomach, occasionally stretching out his fingers and tickling Rachel’s arm.

Kurt had no idea how touch-starved he had been until the couple had curled up against him and all of the warm, heavy weight on him suddenly brought tears to his eyes. The wine wasn’t helping either. 

Of course he had touch from Talulah, he was always holding her hand as they walked around the neighborhood and she was constantly doling out hugs and kisses. But those touches were so small, so fleeting. He hadn’t had an adult so much as give him a hug in what seemed like forever.

Blaine was usually always touching him, at least when they were at home. He had gotten very used to fingers tangling in his, waking up in Blaine’s arms, gentle hands on his lower back as he moved to get past him or ushered him into a car or through an open door. But then all of a sudden there was nothing and he felt like he was going through a withdrawal.  


“Kurt? Are you okay?” Rachel’s voice made his chest vibrate a bit. She kept her head down there but craned up to look at him. He started to speak but found that there was a lump in his throat that made it hard to say anything, just squeak a bit. “Oh, hun. What’s wrong? Is it about Blaine?” Out of the corner of his eye he caught Jesse giving Rachel a look that said “duh, of course it’s about Blaine.”

Everything was about Blaine, wasn’t it?

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Jesse assured, his voice so soft it made him want to cry again.

“I miss him.” Kurt managed to croak out after several moments of debating what to say, sounding so astoundingly pathetic. The sound of his own voice, the emotion behind it made him want to curl up into a ball and die. He didn’t want to be this person. Didn't want to cry over Blaine, let this breakup define his life. His therapist told him that it was okay to let it out, it was okay to feel.

He realized then that maybe he was paying her a little too much.

“Of course you do, sweetie,” Rachel cooed, moving to take his hand and squeezing it. “Do you think… Do you still think that you’re making the right decision with the divorce?”

Kurt almost scoffed. Almost. But as close as he and Rachel were, he knew that a part of her would still always prefer Blaine, would take his side. He had accepted that long ago.

Jesse on the other hand, who was tensing up beside him and giving his wife a face, had always been on Kurt’s team. 

Their friendship was a surprise to every single party involved. Jesse had always been quite mean to him when they attended McKinley together, but then again he wasn’t exactly kind to anybody back then. Kurt had always assumed it was because Jesse thought he wasn’t good, but one night when he and Rachel started dating again and they got exceptionally drunk Jesse had admitted that he thought Kurt was one of the most talented people he had ever met and had been harsh on him back then because he wanted him to succeed.

Blaine had pouted about the comment for a week. It was very much out of the ordinary for anyone to put Kurt above him in any rank. He took it very personally.

Jesse assumed that Kurt would never like him not only because of the things he had said and done in high school but also because while he adored Rachel and treated her right, he would never be Finn, would never live up to Finn. And while that was all true for a while, it didn’t take them too long to learn how similar they really were and gain a mutual respect for each other which turned into friendship. Later on Jesse would even become a professional colleague of Kurt’s, directing the production of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf that he and Blaine starred in several years back.

Honestly, if Jesse hadn’t been hopelessly in love with Rachel, Kurt would have snatched him up for himself long ago.

“Yeah, I do. It’s what’s best for both of us, I know that. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.” Jesse nodded sympathetically. “I haven’t really been single since I was sixteen years old, you know? It’s a lot to get used to.”

“Would a quick makeout sesh help?” Jesse joked, poking Kurt’s side.

“If that’s what you need, I would willingly turn a blind eye.” Rachel added, seeming actually genuine about Jesse’s (probably) fake proposal. Kurt rolled his eyes fondly, wrapping an arm around Rachel’s back and pulling her in closer.

“Tempting, but I think I’m good. Rain check, though?” Kurt smirked at Jesse who winked in reply, nuzzling him playfully.

It wasn’t a lot longer before Rachel and Jesse decided to retire for the night, leaving Kurt to lay by himself on the now deflated blanket nest, staring up at the ceiling. He tried not to let the emptiness around him, the lack of couch, knick knacks on shelves, photos hanging on the walls overtake him. Tried not to let it fill his soul and eat away at him. 

He made a vow to himself that he wasn’t going to do this. He couldn’t deny the fact that a big part of his life, of himself, was dying, but he wasn’t going to mourn the loss. He was going to skip straight to the end of the grieving process: acceptance.

And if someone told him that this stage, where he refused to let himself break down, to let this affect him was denial… He’d deny it.

Luckily sleep won the war over the overwhelming sense of loneliness that was threatening to take hold and he dragged himself to bed hoping that tomorrow, once their new couch was delivered that he would feel a little better.

While the space was physically less empty (and more colorful, trading the old stale grey for a new bright yet subtle turquoise) with the new item of furniture, it didn’t help the overall feeling of hollowness thrumming in his chest. It didn’t help that Talulah was off with Blaine for the weekend, not there to tug on his pant legs or babble quietly in the corner while Kurt graded papers.

As someone who both lived in New York and had a toddler, Kurt was used to constant movement, to hustle and bustle and background noise. Today the apartment felt eerily still and while there was still the sounds of the city there to fill the silence, it couldn’t compare to the sounds of his husband’s bare feet padding across the floor or a little girl insisting that somebody make her a grilled cheese before she starved to death.

It made him nervous. All day he had a knot in the pit of his stomach and an urge to crawl out of his own skin, it was just so _itchy._ Kurt had tried to blast some music on his phone while he went about the motions. He switched from playlist to playlist, trying to get something to move him to feel something other than on edge. He’d even take a good Broadway ballads prompted cry at this point.

After a rather rigorous workout session via an old Tracy Anderson DVD he found to distract his body from its impending self-destruction, he decided to call his dad. Something to distract his mind, to hopefully introduce the feeling of warmth and familiarity that came from hearing his father’s voice. Burt had picked up to inform him that he was about to head into a meeting and would call him later.

Kurt scrolled through his contacts, striking most of them for one reason or another, too busy, nothing to talk about, not wanting the possibility of them hearing him on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He was considering possibly calling a sex hotline, just to hear somebody’s voice when he got to the bottom of the list and saw Sebastian’s name staring back up at him.

These two didn’t call each other. The only time that had happened was when Sebastian had called him seemingly out of nowhere when Kurt was at the doctor’s office. When Kurt had asked him later why he had called, Sebastian simply replied: “I was bored.”  


Kurt wondered if he’d be bored now and willing to talk on the phone with him. Somehow he had managed to get Sebastian’s general schedule memorized. At least the times where he was free enough to text him, even when he was still at work or even sometimes on the treadmill. He figured that now he should be free and that maybe, just maybe he should try. 

He needed to hear somebody’s voice, needed to focus on someone’s voice and actually keeping up a conversation, keep his brain going and working instead of just fizzling out and drifting to darker places.

Kurt knew for a fact that he would have something to talk about with Sebastian, so that wasn’t a problem. The only thing now keeping his thumb hovering above the call button was the seizing feeling in him that somehow, no matter what, his mind would drift to Blaine and cause him to break down. 

Even though he now saw Sebastian as just a normal human being that didn’t pose a threat to him, he still reminded him a lot of high school. Of times when he and Blaine were at their happiest, seeing each other every day and making plans for their future. 

A future that that came to fruition but still fell to absolute shit.

Kurt hadn’t realized that during his internal struggle he had accidentally pressed call and could now hear Sebastian’s distant voice through his speaker, repeating his greeting in confusion. Kurt quickly brought the phone to his ear, his heart rate increasing a bit.

“Hey, sorry. I kinda… blanked there.”

“Speechless, huh? I tend to have that impression.” Sebastian replied and the tension in his shoulders melted away a bit as he scoffed.

“As if.” Kurt spat half-heartedly.

“What’s up, buttercup? Need something?” Sebastian asked, his tone very casual and not in the least bit annoyed or worried. Maybe a bit curious, but overall cool.

“I just… wanted to hear about your day.” He settled on. He figured that telling him that he needed to hear somebody’s voice or else he might go a bit nuts was probably not the best option. Kurt heard the tinny sound of Sebastian letting out a chuckle in the receiver.

“Um. Alright. Well, I —“ Sebastian rambled on and Kurt was extremely grateful that he never seemed to run out of things to say, out of snarky comments to make. His voice in his ear as he laid down on the couch and stared at the ceiling as he had the night before was like an anchor, holding him down and keeping him from floating away.

“Kurt? Kurt?” Sebastian’s voice came through, sounding very far away. Kurt opened his eyes to find that the phone was now sitting on the couch beside his face next to his ear, his hand hanging off the side and drool starting to dry on the corner of his mouth. He scrambled to sit up, rubbing his eyes and putting the phone back to his ear.

“Sorry, I’m here. I was just… dozing off.”   
“I’m putting you to sleep, hm?” Kurt chuckled softly, a yawn escaping him without him thinking.

“Not intentionally. I’m exhausted.” He admitted, stretching out his limbs a bit, wincing as his bones cracked loudly.

“Everything alright?” Sebastian asked, his tone no longer as casual as it had been before, though he could tell he was trying to make it sound that way. 

Kurt had expressed his feelings about people worrying about him, worrying over him and how it made him feel pathetic and weak, two things he never was and never would be. Sebastian said he’d never worry about Kurt anyway, so there was no problem there but Kurt knew, especially after getting several texts after Sebastian had initially called him making sure that he and Talulah were okay. Those weren’t just polite texts. Someone else might have not said anything at all and especially not about Talulah.

“You ever feel like your skin is just… uncomfortable? And that you could just rip it off?” Kurt asked, exasperated and exhausted. A brief pause ensued and Kurt felt the knot in his stomach tighten even more because he had most certainly said the wrong thing.

“I’m coming over.”

“W-What?”

“Don’t fight me, Hummel. I know your address.”

Then the line went dead.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian comes over to help Kurt relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's such a short update! Hopefully it makes up for it in "feel-good shit."

Sebastian Smythe looked absolutely ridiculous.

And that’s saying a lot since Kurt had experienced the man at a time when he decided that wearing that Steve from Blues Clues shirt and still gelling his hair in that stupid CW way when it was reaching mullet-status were good ideas.

First of all, he was wearing khakis. They didn’t even look that bad on him necessarily (though it certainly takes of a very specific type of man to pull them off and he wasn’t sure Sebastian was) but they were giving him all kinds of war flashbacks to the Lima Bean and biscotti barrels and very close cases with potential third degree burns.

The almost-offensive pants were paired with a t-shirt. Not even an undershirt. A regular, faded t-shirt that Sebastian probably wore to bed. If he squinted he could see the faint outlines of the original Star Wars crew. A carefully knitted scarf hung loosely around his neck and hung past his hips. His shoes only added to the absurdity as they were essentially street style clown shoes, bright red and alarmingly shiny.

On top, where a normally quite nicely styled head of hair sat was essential a mop, flopping down onto his forehead, slightly damp. His glasses had fogged up from the change in weather from the cold outside to the warmth of his apartment. Speaking of cold, Kurt noticed now that his bare arms and face were a rosy color, no doubt from being exposed to harsh winds they had been having recently.

Kurt quickly ushered him inside, trying too hard not to stare as Sebastian set down the lumpy, overstuffed tote bag that had been on his shoulder down onto the coffee table and rubbed his arms to get some warmth back in them. He wanted to say something, but had no idea where to begin. Wasn’t even sure if he had it in him to spew out all of the jokes that sprung to his brain.

“There are so many deliberate choices here and I am _very_ confused.” He settled on, moving to sit on the couch, throwing the blanket that he had been wrapped in before he had answered the door at him. Sebastian gave him a grateful nod and wrapped it around his shoulders, moving to sit next to him. They didn’t say anything for a few moments, just taking everything in. Taking stock.

That was something Kurt’s therapist had taught him how to do. To cope with not wanting to live in the past, he worried about the future. Not that it wasn’t a normal reaction in his situation, but he was so permanently planted in the future and the stress of it all that he was hardly in the present anymore. To put himself back his therapist suggested checking in with himself every hour or whenever he remembered to. Take stock of his feelings, figure out what he needed to do now to take care of himself.

Right now he felt… tired. His entire body felt heavy and it ached. The exercise earlier certainly wasn’t helping with the soreness and tension in his muscles, but this was a different type of pain. Dull and ever-present. He also felt confused, like he had said. Not just with Sebastian’s fashion choices, though that was something that _had_ to be addressed sometime during this visit, but with Sebastian’s presence in general.

It seemed like, and this may be a bit narcissistic on his part but it felt like Sebastian had dropped everything to come and see him. He could have easily stayed on the phone, let Kurt talk it out but he had come over. To be with him in person. It looked like he had come from somewhere, too. Or had been in the middle of something. There was no way Sebastian purposely wore all of that together, made the conscious decision to wear a grungy t-shirt and khakis with a belt. Especially to Kurt Hummel’s house, someone who had been regarded as a member of the fashion police since high school.

Sebastian leaned over and reached into the tote bag, presenting a take-out container of some kind to Kurt. He raised an eyebrow at him and opened it to see the most delicious looking piece of cheesecake he had ever seen in his life and any and all queries about Sebastian’s state of dress went out the window. 

Sebastian laughed when Kurt squealed with joy and ran off to get a fork from the kitchen. He sat back down and offered Sebastian a fork, who simply shook his head andwaved it off. Kurt looked back at the slice and everything about it was perfect. The sides were still smooth, as if it had just been cut by the warmest, sharpest knife. The fact that it hadn’t gotten at least a little smushed on the transport over here amazed him more than it probably should have. 

On top was an artistic drizzling of caramel and chocolate sauce, criss crossing and weaving together and if Kurt hadn’t accidentally skipped lunch he wouldn’t have wanted to touch it. It was just too beautiful to eat.

“You gonna keep eye-fucking it or are you gonna eat it?” Sebastian asked. Kurt honest-to-god blushed at that.

“You sure you don’t want a bite?” Kurt asked, purely to be polite at this point. He sort of really didn’t want Sebastian to have any. Sebastian must of sensed that because he chuckled, shucking off the blanket and unwrapping the scarf.

“Nah. I got it for you. Dig in.” Sebastian urged and Kurt did just that. Back in high school, to get Blaine going, he used to dramatically moan when he had a bite of something good, When Harry Met Sally style. Sometimes it’d be a little too over-the-top and it’d lead to giggles, but most of the time it made Blaine’s eyes darken and he’d take him back to one of their bedrooms and make it his mission to hear that sound again.

But this time Kurt wasn’t overplaying it. He hadn’t planned it but the cheesecake was just so good, so decadent that he couldn’t help the noise that escaped him.

“Shit. Should I leave you two alone?” Sebastian joked and Kurt rolled his eyes, kicking Sebastian’s shin gently.

“Where’d you get this?” Kurt asked, not noticing a flash of something go across the other’s face, too preoccupied with his heavenly pastry.

“Mm, I dunno. I don’t remember the name. I just popped in on the way over.” Sebastian replied. Kurt made a muffled groaning sound, flashing Sebastian sad puppy eyes as he swallowed his mouthful of fluffy cheesecake goodness.

“Well, find out for me because this is officially my favorite cheesecake I’ve ever had. Which is a feat in itself because nobody does cheesecake quite like New York,” Kurt stabbed at the dessert, hacking away at it a little more slowly now to cherish it while it lasted. “If you find it check and see if they deliver because if I eat as much of this as I want to, I’m not gonna be able to leave the house without a crane.”

Sebastian wasn’t going on a Google hunt like Kurt expected, instead was just looking at him with an amused look on his face. Once Kurt looked up from the takeout container to meet his eyes, Sebastian looked away, rolling his eyes before reaching back over to pull more things out of the tote bag. As he pulled item after item out of the bag, Kurt was reminded of a certain carpet bag…

“Are you sure you’re not secretly Mary Poppins? That bag does seem to be never ending…” Sebastian chuckled and pulled the final item out, a DVD of said movie. “Wow, great timing. Well played, Mr. Smythe.”

“Would you say it was… practically perfect in every way?” Sebastian wiggled his eyebrows and Kurt groaned, throwing one of his new throw pillows at his face.

“So, what is all of this?” The items seemed to be as disorganized as Sebastian’s wardrobe. He wondered if this was how Sebastian normally was when not under the guise a uniform provided him: a mess.

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s an emergency ‘I Don’t Know How To Help Someone Going Through A Divorce So I Just Threw Together Some Generic Feel-Good Shit And Put It In A Bag’ kit.”

Kurt took a closer look at the items and now that he was really paying attention, he could see the thought process Sebastian had. It was a mixture of items you’d get for a sick person and someone going through a breakup. Some of it overlapped and he couldn’t tell which part of it was intended for what ailment, like the tissues, movies and ice cream.

“What are you, a witch doctor?” Kurt asked, reaching out to grab one of the tiny glass viles sitting on the coffee table. He turned it over in his hand and read the label: cedarwood.

“Worse. A hippie,” Kurt gasped dramatically and Sebastian scooted closer to him. “That one’s good for menstrual cramps. I actually brought one, rose, that reduces the symptoms of menopause too. Thought you might need it.” Sebastian teased. Kurt just scoffed.

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who _actually_ believes these essential oil things work.”

“I swear by them.”

“Jesus. I bet you’re subscribed to an Oil of the Month club, too. Where you get a free sample in the mail every month,” Kurt joked but after glancing over to look at Sebastian’s face, he could see that he had hit home. “Oh my god,” Laughter bubbled in his chest. “You’re a _nerd!”_

“I can leave, you know! I don’t have to stay here!” Sebastian said, not a bit of venom in his voice as he chuckled along with him.

“I don’t know if I can even look at you the same way again! This is not the Sebastian Smythe I know. You might as well be a stranger! I could… I could report you for trespassing!”

“Luckily, I came prepared for this scenario. If you don’t take _those_ seriously, maybe you’ll respond better to my good friend Mary Jane here.” He pulled a pre-rolled joint out of his pocket, rolling it between his index and middle fingers.

Kurt remembered the days when he used to go to NYADA parties and even the occasional Vogue party. He was surprised to see, especially as he got older, that people were smoking weed more than they were drinking at these events. The mainstream media had led him to believe that house parties in college were all keg stands and red solo cups.

In high school it seemed to be the cool thing to have a fake ID and buy beers for everybody. Hell, even the one party he went to in high school involved all of his Glee friends getting absolutely hammered from the stuff they scrounged from Rachel’s dad’s liquor cabinet. No marijuana involved. Except for that one time they sold pot brownies in the school’s cafeteria to pay for a handicap bus for one show choir contest or another, but that wasn’t as intentional as the way the twenty-somethings in crowded apartments in Queens blew smoke rings out of the windows at those parties, endlessly droning on about their groundbreaking performance art pieces or crudely named improv troupes.

Damn art schools.

Kurt felt like he was looking at a historic artifact, those days were so far away.

“I’ve never smoked before.” Kurt admitted. A true rarity among people his age, he realized. He still saw people in their thirties on the street with vape pens.

“Mm, maybe another time, then. When you’re in a better mindset,” Sebastian said, slipping the joint back into his pocket and grabbing the rest of the viles left on the table. “But we’re doing these.”

Sebastian managed to coax him into it. He told Kurt to smell and choose between peppermint and eucalyptus while he popped in Mary Poppins for them to hate-watch then returned, moving so that he was sitting where Kurt could settle between his legs and lay out across the couch, his head settled in Sebastian’s lap.

Sebastian put a drop of eucalyptus onto each of Kurt’s temples and lavender onto his own wrists. As he did so, Kurt tilted his head up to look up at his upside down face.

“You know what’s funny? You claim to hate working around smells and perfume all day, but then you go home and surround yourself with more smells. What’s up with that?”

“You sound like my therapist. Now, shhh. Relax.” He gently pushed Kurt’s head back down and as the opening notes played and the streets of London came into view, Sebastian started massaging Kurt’s temples. 

At first he had tensed up, the touch becoming _too much_ again like last night with Jesse and Rachel but it didn’t take long for Kurt to succumb to Sebastian’s magic fingers and let the scent of the eucalyptus (to release tension and cure headaches) and lavender (to relieve stress and help him relax more fully) wash over him.

Sometimes, when Sebastian would move to hover his wrists over Kurt’s nose, Kurt would make a joke about how it felt like he was about to get chloroformed or make a half-hearted jab at Dick Van Dyke’s bad British accent but other than that they stayed relatively quiet. It wasn’t even twenty minutes into the movie when Kurt felt himself drifting off, the sound of Julie Andrews singing lulling him to sleep, his nose filled with the sweet scent of lavender.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt's relaxing, kid-free weekend is cut short.

“Daddy’s awake! Daddy’s awake!”

Kurt blinked slowly, sleepily, revealing his daughter only inches away from his face. He started a bit when he saw her which in turn caused him to groan softly as his bones cracked.

“Hi, baby,” Kurt rasped out, still blinking the sleep out of his eyes and stretching out. The toddler climbed up on top of him, moving to lay on his chest. “Wait… why are you here? You’re supposed to be with papa.”

“Papa had to go play Aladdin,” Sebastian supplied, walking in from the kitchen. Kurt furrowed his brows, looking from his daughter’s face to Sebastian’s. “Welcome back. Thought you were… d-e-a-d for a minute there.” 

Kurt continued to stretch out, arching his back, which was not really an easy feat with a thirty pound weight on his chest. He made a strained sound as he got a really good stretch in then collapsed back to laying on his back, limp.

“How long was I out?” He asked, hand automatically going to tangle in Talulah’s curls.

“Like, eighteen hours.” Kurt’s eyebrows flew up. He had remembered falling asleep during Mary Poppins at around seven or eight, but he just assumed that he was only out for a few hours and it was maybe ten or eleven now. Or maybe even early the next morning. But that wouldn't explain why Talulah would be here, this energetic. She would be out like a light.

“Looks like you needed it,” Sebastian continued, moving to sit on the armrest opposite the one Kurt was up against. “I just figured I shouldn’t wake you up until it was getting to like, alarming levels of unconsciousness, though. And you got up to take a piss a few times, shifted around, snored. I wasn’t that concerned.”

“I don’t snore.” Kurt argued weakly and Sebastian just snorted. Didn’t even dignify him with a response.

“Um. Okay. So here’s the rundown. I stayed here with you last night since you were still conked out at like, midnight. Checked your pulse and stuff, y’know… just in case. Um, your dad called somewhere in there but I didn’t answer,” He went on and Kurt shifted so that he was sitting up a bit, keeping Talulah on his chest. “Then this morning your loud ass postman came to the door and knocked for literally like fifteen minutes until I got up and signed for the gayest pair of boots I’ve ever seen.”

“Opening other people’s mail is illegal.” Kurt deadpanned.

“Anyway,” Sebastian moved on, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. “Your groceries came too? I put them away as best I could but I wasn’t sure where you kept everything so there may or may not be a jar of peanut butter in the dishwasher.”

“Good to know.”

“Your dad called again and I answered this time to let him know what was up and needless to say he was _very_ surprised. I don’t think he remembered who I was though, so, dodged that bullet,” He playfully pretended to wipe a bead of sweat off his forehead. “Then Blaine called a few hours ago and said that one of his cast mates let him know that the main Aladdin got sick and that they were letting one of the standbys go on for him? But he insisted that he go instead since he was his main understudy and he couldn’t pass up his first opportunity to go on as him, or some shit like that.” Kurt instinctively covered Talulah’s ears at that and gave him a sleepy dirty look, which made Sebastian blanch a bit.

“So, he brought her back here.” Kurt said, a statement rather than a question. Sebastian looked down then, picking at the fabric of the couch.

“Uh, no. I had to go over there and get her,” Kurt was starting to see red. “Said he was in too much a hurry to get to the theatre and since I was here…”

“He didn’t leave her alone in the apartment at all, did he?”

“Oh god, no,” Sebastian’s head whipped up then, giving Kurt an assuring look. “No, I made sure he didn’t leave before I got there. No. Yeah.”

On one hand, Kurt couldn’t believe this. Couldn’t believe him. But on the other hand… he totally could. This was just like Blaine, to drop everything for an opportunity like this, even when he had prior arrangements to not be at the show at all that weekend. But then again, he didn’t think he’d potentially be going on for the lead.

A part of him could understand. The part of him that remembered their days back in NYADA where it was encouraged for them to drop whatever they were doing if something big like this came up. Because, who knows, the casting director that could launch your career could be at that recital or at that off-off-off Broadway production of The Vagina Monologues that maybe you weren’t in but went shopping with one of the main girls for the top she wore in that one scene, so maybe you could schmooze a bit. There was always an opportunity for networking.

Break off a date? Fine. Blow off a family dinner? Still not the best, but hey, at least someone’s there to watch the kid. But leaving said kid, the one you made sure to commit your entire weekend to and only has you to take care of her, no matter the circumstances? Not fucking okay.

Maybe it’d be fine if Kurt had been awake. He’d be more forgiving. He didn’t have anything else to do this weekend, didn’t have any plans to break. But having Sebastian, someone who to both Blaine and Talulah was essentially a stranger, come get her was not as easily forgivable.

Luckily Kurt trusted Sebastian enough to know that he wouldn’t just run off with Talulah, but Blaine didn’t know that. He was willing to take that chance in order to play _fucking Aladdin._

“We got pizza!” Talulah exclaimed, pulling Kurt out of his thoughts.

“I hope that was okay. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feed her,” Kurt waved it off. “There’s still some in the fridge if you want some. You must be hungry.” Kurt’s stomach answered for him and Sebastian chuckled, going to the kitchen to grab it for him. Kurt watched as he grabbed a glass and was about to fill it up with water from the sink when he interjected:

“Wine! Fridge. Bottom shelf, side door.” Sebastian flashed him a wink from across the way.

“I like your style.”

Sebastian brought it to him and Kurt scarfed down the slices he had been given as Talulah went on about what she and Sebastian had done in their short few hours together since he picked her up. Every once in a while the other man would interject, trying to make the absolutely adorable thing the toddler claimed he did seem a lot more manly and cool and not cute.

When Kurt had sent Sebastian off to put another slice on his plate, he noticed Talulah’s eyes drooping, noting the time on the clock behind him.

“Has she been down for a nap today?” Kurt asked when he returned, feeling her going slowly limp in his arms.

“Uh. I don’t think so. Was she supposed to? Blaine didn’t fill me in on her schedule at all.” Kurt sighed.

“Of course he didn’t.” He muttered under his breath before lifting Talulah’s chin to look up at him.

“Did papa put you down for your nap?” Talulah shook her head slowly, bringing a tiny fist up to her mouth as she let out a big yawn. Kurt glanced back at the clock again. If she went down now, he’d let her sleep for an hour before dinner and hopefully she would still be able to go to bed at the right time tonight.

“Looks like we should get a quick one in now, hm?” Kurt asked her and she nodded, closing her eyes. He was moving to adjust her in his arms and stand up when Sebastian put a hand on his leg to stop him.

“Hey, I got it. You stay there and eat, okay?” Kurt raised an eyebrow but didn’t question it, shifting to hand the toddler over. 

Sebastian struggled for a moment to hold her properly but finally got it and moved to take her back into her bedroom. Kurt’s eyes trailed after him as he left the room, staying there for a moment even when he was out of sight. He blinked, realizing he was still too out of it to really take in everything that was happening so he surrendered to the wine and pizza.

The other man came back a few minutes later and immediately moved to sit on the couch, lifting Kurt’s ankles then setting them back in his lap. They didn’t say anything for several moments. Kurt passed the time by nibbling on his pizza, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. If he should say the things he wanted to say. 

He assumed that Sebastian and Blaine were no longer friends, but he still felt bad about saying negative things about his ex behind his back. All he’d tell people, even his closest friends and family was that Blaine cheated and that’s why it ended. If they thought this was an inherently bad act, they’d react as such. Kurt wouldn’t flavor it with anything. Blaine wasn’t regarded as a “cheating asshole” or a “bad husband.” 

At least out loud.

He never spoke about the constant fighting. About the feelings of inadequacy that had been planted in his mind so many years ago that he wasn’t able to shake. About the freakish devotion he was forced to give to Blaine that shut him off from friends and family on several occasions for long periods of time. About the way he would always be the one apologizing, no matter the circumstance.

The people who knew him best probably already knew all of this anyway. He hoped they did.

He really didn’t have the heart to say any of it out loud. Even to his therapist.

So, telling Sebastian anything was potentially a big deal. But he felt like he was getting a taste of what Blaine was like in the past few hours, so maybe he could fill in the blanks himself.

Maybe he shouldn’t complicate their relationship with his baggage. Sebastian might get scared with having to deal with some of this if it ever came up. He might be freaked out right now, having to spend eighteen hours making sure he was okay and going all the way to where Blaine lived to pick up his child for him.

But then Kurt realized that Sebastian didn’t have to do any of that. He could have easily slipped out last night, left Kurt a note or sent him a text telling him where he had went. But he didn’t. Sebastian had stayed.

In the span of eighteen hours, Sebastian Smythe had showed more devotion to him than his own husband had since he transferred to McKinley to be with him over ten years ago.

And while that was an incredibly sweet gesture at the time, it was not nearly grand enough to make up for all of the neglect he had experienced since.

“Thank you… for everything.” Kurt settled on saying. He hoped Sebastian understood the extent of the thanks. That he didn’t just mean for last night and today. But for all of the text conversations that distracted him from his feelings, for the random chuckles throughout the day he wasn’t sure he’d get otherwise, for giving his couch a good home.

For the lunch he bought them that started it all.

“No problem.” Sebastian said, a genuine smile settling on his face. It made the subtle lines around his eyes deepen a bit behind his glasses, showing his age. He truly was not the person he had known back in high school.

Kurt had kept in touch with a handful of people from high school. It was truly fascinating watching them transform into the people he knew today. For the people like Rachel and Blaine, he got to actively watch them turn into new people. He saw every hair or wardrobe transformation in real time, every big event that shaped them.

He had been so afraid that he would not recognize them, or that they wouldn’t recognize him. Would they be able to transform their relationships to fit their new needs, would their new traits that came with age and experience mesh? It was so easy being friends with people during those school years. They had something huge in common, something to bond over.

Most of his friendships withered away once high school was over and he moved to New York, even his relationship with Blaine, the strongest one out of all of them, had almost died with the change. It had hurt at the time but he understood. He thought about the people from his past sometimes. If they met again at this moment in time, would they be able to be friends again? Would they have a better relationship than they did back then?

Kurt had never thought about Sebastian in this way. He had no need to. He felt no positive feelings towards him, had no friendship to think wistfully on. So, he thought about it now as he watched the smile, soft and sweet turn into that signature smirk, surely because he was staring at him and Sebastian felt the need to preen. But he didn’t care.

He wondered if they had met earlier what would have happened. Would they have been friends then? When was it that Sebastian became the man sitting in front of him now?

Kurt tried not to think too much about it, feel bad for the years they might have lost out on. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked out at all if they had met back in college or even as soon as a year ago. Kurt had Sebastian _now,_ sitting here and starting to kneed his thumb in the ball of his foot, asking permission with his eyes.

He didn’t necessarily believe in the idea that fate existed. He didn’t believe there was a deity or a universe strong enough to lay out a path for each individual person. But if he did believe that, he would have thought that maybe this was how things were supposed to play out from the beginning. Sebastian was supposed to enter his life when he did. It was destiny for these two people to be there for each other during this time.

It was an extremely comforting thought.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Sebastian asked, masterfully massaging at exactly the right places, making most of the tension he had been gathering back up in his muscles as he awoke melt away.

How many hobbies did this guy have?

“I just… I was just thinking about how I’m glad you were here to help with everything today but I’m also just… really sorry. That you had to… help with everything.”

“You don’t have to apologize for Blaine anymore, you know that, right?” Sebastian said, flicking his eyes to look up at him from under his eyelashes.

Something caught in Kurt’s throat at that.

“I-I know. And I’m not. I’m… apologizing for me not being awake to handle it. It’s my responsibility to take care of these things.”

“As far as I’m concerned, it was your responsibility to have a nice, relaxing toddler-free weekend. And you could have done that if Blaine took on _his_ responsibility of watching his kid. You can’t beat yourself up for not knowing that he was gonna ditch his parental duties for the evening. It was out of your hands.” Sebastian assured, setting one foot down and grabbing the other.

Kurt said nothing. There really was nothing to say other than “shit, you’re right” and he really didn’t want to inflate Sebastian’s ego like that. They fell into silence once more, Sebastian massaging Kurt’s feet and Kurt hugging a pillow to his chest as he looked straight ahead into the kitchen. If he squinted, he could see the drawing on the wall Lulu had made recently. It was just three different colored blobs but she made sure to point out who each blob was supposed to represent and Kurt had written their names under each respective one.

He wondered briefly what future family portraits of hers would look like. When she went to school and she had to talk about her family, what would she say? Would she draw two different houses? Would there be another man in one or both of the houses? Which house would their new baby be in? What is her family tree going to look like in a few years? How split is she going to feel? What were they going to do to make sure she didn’t feel like she was being pulled in two different directions, like she could still be the same Talulah at both homes? Would she resent Blaine for leaving or Kurt for not fighting to keep their marriage alive?

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his knee, brining him crashing back to reality. He looked from the fridge to Sebastian’s face, his vision slightly blurred from the tears forming in his eyes and his heart still thrumming from the anxiety-inducing questions swirling in his brain. He quickly swiped at his eyes, intently steadying his breathing as Sebastian kept eye contact.

“Kurt, I… I want you to know that you don’t have to do this alone,” Sebastian started, biting his lip and pushing his glasses up. “Not that I don’t think you could,” He added, quickly. “But I want to be there for you. Because… well, we’re friends and I, like, care about you and stuff.” Sebastian wrinkled his nose in playful distaste at that last sentence, causing Kurt to give him his own smirk.

“You care about me?” Kurt asked, coy, relieving some of the tension in the air. The seriousness. Kurt wasn’t quite ready to take in everything about what those words meant.

Sebastian snorted.

“Don’t make me say it again.”

“We’re friends and you care about me,” Kurt parroted, his face softening. “Huh. Now how about that?”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian suggests that Kurt writes up a contract to ensure Kurt and Blaine get legal custody of their unborn child,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was REALLY hard to write, y'all. I kept having to leave it and come back to it. Cut things, add things. Mix metaphors. So it might really be a jumbled, incoherent mess but hey. It'd make sense. Really put you into the mindset of the character, huh? Anyway, hope you enjoy!

”I think you should write up a contract.”

Kurt and Sebastian were out and about, shopping. They initially went out so that Kurt could buy Sebastian a birthday present he actually wanted but of course it didn’t take long for Kurt to wander off into things that he could buy for himself. Now they had made their way into a cute little baby boutique where Kurt was eyeing a collection of handmaid teddy bears when Sebastian spoke up. He whipped his head around to look at him, his eyebrows raised.

“What do you mean?”

“I think you and Blaine should have it in writing that Mary Ann is going you two her baby. That she won’t back out last minute,” Sebastian mindlessly rifled through a rack of onesies hanging on the wall. “I’m surprised Neil didn’t suggest it earlier, honestly.”

Kurt wasn’t quite sure how to react to this. On one hand he was kind of frustrated, wanting to jump to the defense for a number of reasons. But another part of him felt like it had been thrown into the deep end of the anxiety pool without his consent and those feelings felt a little more pertinent than the annoyance that might not even be justifiable. He doesn’t know what Sebastian may or may not have been insinuating.

“You think she would?” Sebastian shrugged, turning to face him and look at him more clearly.

“I don’t know. People’s feelings change. And even if hers do and she wants to keep it for whatever reason, I think it’d be best to be secure to ensure that no matter what she ends up feeling, she no longer has the parental rights over him and can’t, legally, take it back.” Kurt worried his lip at this, fiddling with the strap on his bag.

“But if I… If she feels this deep emotional connection to the baby, I’d feel so awful taking him away from her…”

“Make it an open adoption, then. Let her and her family be involved as much as you all can agree on, but ensure that even though she’s his birth mother, you and Blaine are his rightful parents,” Sebastian watched as Kurt’s eyes fell to the floor, deep in thought. “Just… imagine if Rachel had decided after giving birth to Talulah that she wanted to keep her.”

“That wouldn’t have happened. She knew what she signed up for.” Kurt said, quick to inform. Thinking about the possibility of not having Lulu in his life made his heart clench painfully in his chest.

“She was probably in a contract, too. There’s a more extensive legal process when having to deal with fertility clinics, as I’m sure you remember.” Kurt nodded slowly. He hadn’t even thought about how he and his best friend were bound by a contract like that. It seemed like nothing at the time. He hadn’t blown it off or anything, but their whole situation was just planned throughly, talked through almost every day since Kurt and Blaine had come to Rachel and Jesse and asked if Rachel would be their surrogate, so signing a piece of paper felt like nothing.

“Listen, I’m not judging you,” Sebastian said, “It makes a lot of sense for you not to have crafted up a contract. It’s certainly not the first things on either you and Blaine’s minds with all of the other legal shit you’re dealing with right now. And Mary Ann and her husband are what, nineteen? They wouldn’t have known. It’s their first time doing this and clearly they didn’t go to any kind of adoption agency before Blaine stepped in. They were probably hoping that someone like him would just swoop in like that and make all their problems go away. So, no judgement. But I think it’d be wise for you to get on that.”

Kurt continued to nod, looking back up and looking at the onesies Sebastian was standing beside. When he walked in he would have aww’d at them, but now they made him feel sick.

“I’ll even draft one up for you if it’d make you feel better. Free of charge.” Kurt shifted his gaze to his friend’s face.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Now, c’mon. I know you wanna buy everything in this store, but we still haven’t bought anything for _me_ yet and I’d like to get on with it.”

Sebastian came over a few days later in full lawyer getup. Suit, tie, engraved briefcase given to him as a graduation present, the whole shebang. After several minutes of teasing, they finally got down to business. 

He and Kurt worked together to write up a simple contract stating that Mary Ann had to give up custody of her child once she gave birth to start. They could work out the details of the open adoption together and decide if they thought it necessary to include those terms in a contract or just keep it strictly a verbal agreement.

When Sebastian left, Kurt stared at the document, phone in his hand. He knew he had to tell Blaine about this. That wouldn’t be a problem. One of the best parts about the divorce was that Kurt had final say over almost everything. Blaine knew his place in all of this now. He was done trying to beg for forgiveness. He knew he had messed up and knew that there were huge consequences this time around that he seemed ready to deal with. So, Kurt knew that _that_ phone call was going to be easy enough.

It was telling Mary Ann that was making him nervous.

He knew that they had agreed to go through with this. Knew that even if she wanted to keep the baby, that she wasn’t able to afford it financially and emotional and that she wanted him to be raised with someone who could give him everything he deserved. She knew that Kurt and Blaine were those people.

He just hoped that having her sign a piece of paper didn’t strain their relationship at all, didn’t make it weird. He didn’t want it to make it seem like he didn’t trust her. So, he had to be very careful in crafting how to tell her.

And he was so, so careful. Kurt had even pressed the call button delicately, held the phone in a loose grip, put on his sweetest voice to greet her.

“Hi Kurt! How’s it going?”

“It’s going good! How are you? Feeling okay? How’s Brian and little Billie Jean? Everyone survive cold season?”

They talked easily. Kurt Hummel was a master of small talk. A real pro at maneuvering the conversation from niceties to the deeper stuff, the meat of the conversation. He could hit ‘em with the heavy stuff without them even knowing. They would leave not even knowing they had had an important conversation.

“Would you have time to meet up sometime in the next week or so? I know your schedule’s super busy.” Kurt asked, eyes flicking to the paper, heavy with text, sticky tabs indicating where each person should sign at the bottom.

“I could make time. What’s up?”

“Well, apparently Blaine and I just really like signing our names. I mean, we’re actors and all, so that’s a given. But we’re just adding to the mountain of paperwork we have to fill out to make everything… you know, official, between us. Anyway, we drafted up a contract with a… lawyer friend that we’re going to need you to sign for us. Real simple stuff, just confirming that you’re still going to be signing over your parental rights to us. It’ll take five minutes tops, and we can even come to you if it’ll be more convenient —“

“You… You two are still getting a divorce?” The voice on the other end of the line squeaked out. Kurt felt something in his gut knot up.

“Y-Yes. We were intending to the whole time. Hasn’t changed.”

“I… I thought you were getting back together. That’s what Blaine told me, anyway,” The knot tightened. “That’s the only reason why I agreed to continue this thing after that lunch.”

Kurt felt like he was going to throw up. He could feel the bile traveling up his throat as he apologized on his behalf and explained calmly and carefully, so _fucking_ carefully, that they were still getting a divorce but were doing really well at co-parenting Talulah so far and they’d certainly do the same for her son. They’d still be good parents, they just wouldn’t be living together anymore. She could still depend on them to give her son the life he deserved.

“Kurt… I don’t think I can. I wanted to give him to a _stable_ family, you _knew_ that. Oh my god. I’m due so soon! What am I going to do?”

“Think about it. Please, please think about it,” Kurt spoke quickly, his breathing ragged. So much for being calm. “I still think we’d be a good fit, but if you don’t think so anymore… I totally understand. And I… we’ll support whatever decision you make.”

She told him she would but Kurt knew in his heart of hearts that she had already made her decision.

He felt his world slowly crumble down around him.

Kurt knew it was irrational, knew the whole damn time that he was relying too heavily on this baby. He knew that back when he almost lost him the first time when they told Mary Ann they were getting a divorce. It would have been lower stakes, then, to not go through with this. It had only been a few months and he had managed to force himself not to create a fantasy of his child in his head to fall in love with. But she said she was still fine with it. Everything was all clear. He had the go-ahead to become immersed in the expectant parent experience and he had.

Back when he was in high school and people told him it was going to get better, he didn’t have a clear idea of what it getting better meant. He had ideas for what he wanted in life, but it was impossible for him to imagine any of it actually happening. When he got older and became more confident in himself and his ability to live a fulfilling live, he gained access to an elaborate imagination. He took full advantage, leaning on it heavily for when the going’s got rough. Even if life sucked now, he could look forward to one day being able to marry his high school sweetheart, have a career on Broadway, watch his dad playing with his grandchildren.

Kurt had put all of his eggs in each of those baskets, relying so heavily on the mere hope of them becoming a reality to get him through all the days he would be shoved into a locker or pushed to the shimmy in the background in Glee club. 

He brought each respective disappointment on himself, really. Maybe if he had applied to other New York schools and not project all of his hope onto NYADA then his impending crushed spirit and subsequent depressive spiral for those couple of months could have been avoided. If he hadn’t worked so hard to build back trust for Blaine, it wouldn’t have hurt so badly to have his heart ripped in two this time.

Kurt should have seen it coming. Three is the magic number, after all. He should have relied on something not so major and life-changing to make him happy. He should have become super invested in a TV show he knew would be ending, or become one of those people who religiously bought lottery tickets in the hope that one day it would pay off and they would become millionaires.

His phone ringing directly in his ear startled him out of his self-deprecating shame spiral. He had still been holding the phone to his ear, waiting for Mary Ann to take him off hold and tell him that she thought about it and yeah, she’d sign the contract and he’d be a father of two in a few months. 

_It’d be okay, Kurt._ He had told himself. _You could throw all of your pent-up emotions about your decade long relationship falling apart at a baby who will love you unconditionally because he doesn’t know better._

How fucked up was _that?_

Kurt pulled the phone from his ear to check who it was, his vision severely blurred from the tears threatening to spill. The first real ones since that initial night when Blaine confessed he had been with somebody else all those months ago.

He answered, not really knowing who was going to be on the other end since he was so caught up in quickly pulling himself together enough so it didn’t sound like he wasn’t about to burst into tears.

“Kurt! Oh thank god, you answered! Are you busy? You need to come over right now. It’s an emergency.” Rachel bawled into her end. 

Clearly she didn’t have the same concerns as he did.

“What’s wrong?” Kurt wiped away the tears that spilled silently onto his cheeks, starting to block off his own emotions in favor of focusing on Rachel’s. It was a skill of his, one he had meticulously crafted throughout the years.

“I don’t know… It could be right _or_ wrong. I just know that I’ve been crying for an hour and I can’t decide if they’re happy or sad tears and I need you to come over here and figure it out for me.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen.”

Kurt hung up and stood from the kitchen table, the movement making him light-headed, his vision swimming as he took a moment to readjust. Push the sobs bubbling up in his chest down and focus on counting to ten. 

He continued to count, starting over every time he got to ten as he put one foot in front of the other, walked to the front closet, put on a coat and a scarf that probably didn’t match, walked out the door, hailed a taxi, handed the driver too much money, got buzzed into Rachel’s apartment, was hugged at the door and dragged to the bathroom.

A positive pregnancy test sat on the bathroom counter in front of the sink.

Kurt silently prayed that if there was a god out there listening to him, that he would strike him down right then and there.

“That’s great, Rachel.” His voice came out completely monotone, not a shake or a stutter in it. He was oddly proud of himself.

He continued to stare at the stick like he was in a staring contest and if he looked away first or blinked he’d have to get punched in the face by the biggest man in the world.

He’d take that over feeling all of this any day of the week.

Kurt listened as Rachel rambled on about how this didn’t fit into their family planning schedule and how that was upsetting especially now since the lineup for this season’s Broadway shows were really good and she wouldn’t be able to do them if she were pregnant, she wasn’t going to pull another Jane Austen Sings, no offense, she loved carrying Lulu but being a pregnant lady and having to wear character shoes is not a good mix.

His heart clenched painfully in his chest as she started to talk about Jesse. How he’d be thrilled because now their kids would move out earlier than they thought, giving them a few more years on the other Broadway parents who would be waiting until later in their careers to be free of the pressing parental duties holding them back from being in or directing more shows. And he’d also _obviously_ be happy because he loves Rachel and Barbra and their family and should she tell him through song this time because the first time he didn’t understand what she was trying to do but since he’s been through it surely he’ll get it this time around.

Kurt felt like he was across the hall, watching himself from outside of his body, that’s how disconnected he felt in that moment. Sure, he could hear what Rachel was saying (though it was starting to sound more muffled than ever, almost like he was under water) and could process the information on a base level but other than that he couldn’t do anything else with it.

Usually it was pretty easy for him to delve into dealing with his friend’s issues and be able to shrug off his own for a while. Put them above him. Put _everyone_ above himself. But it wasn’t every day that he felt like everything was falling apart. That his finely crafted walls keeping the Blaine of it all contained were finally coming down and he couldn’t gather supplies fast enough to fix the cracks or prop something heavy against them to prop them up.

The sound of Barbra’s cries pierced through the air and Rachel swiftly jumped up off of where she was sitting on the lid of the toilet and scurried off to attend to her. Her blowing past him practically knocked him over. He felt as thin as paper, shaking and leaning against the counter for support.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine —_

“Kurt, could you hold her for me for a minute? I think I still have some pee in me and I wanna take another test. Just to be sure.” Kurt nodded quickly and took her from Rachel as they maneuvered out of each other’s way. He bounced her on his hip as she continued to cry.

_Me too, sister_ he thought as he moved to the kitchen to grab a dish rag to wipe her snotty nose with. Once her face was clean she calmed down and looked at him with her big brown eyes and something inside of him _broke._

He was transported back to the days when Lulu was this little. He and Blaine were so in love back then. Things were _good._ Better than they had ever been.

A thought came to him then as he looked at the baby’s face that knocked the air out of his lungs. Was the reason why Blaine wanted to have this baby so strongly all of a sudden after meeting Mary Ann to try and restore that love somehow? Or… make it harder for Kurt to leave him?

The thought made him choke on his own spit and it took him a moment to regain his composure.

Kurt carefully set Barbra in her bouncer, knowing that if he held her and looked at that sweet face a second longer he would properly break down and he knew that wasn’t what Rachel needed to deal with right now.

After making sure she was secure, he looked between the closed bathroom door and the front door, planning his escape. He just needed a few minutes of fresh air, needed to be away from this house for a bit. From all of the feelings of giddy confusion and love permeating from every damn surface of the place. 

He was going to call out to Rachel to let her know that he was going to step out for a few, but when he opened his mouth no words came out. Instead just a pitiful, strangled squeak came out and a wave of something akin to embarrassment hit him making him suddenly feel very, very hot and sweaty and _pathetic._

It was enough that he was privately feeling this internal shame, ( _Pull yourself together, Hummel_ he chanted over and over in his head as he made his way to the front door) but now entering the apartment was none other than Jesse St. James.

Jesse St. James who would, in a few moments, get some of the happiest news of his life and rejoice with his family. He would probably kiss Rachel in the way that he did where he picked her up first and scoop little Barbra into his arms and she’d gurgle with glee and not fully comprehend why the sound made her parents cry even more tears of joy and _god,_ when did it get so hard to breathe?

He could see Jesse coming toward him, hear the concern in his voice when he got closer and saw the state he was in (he probably looked ridiculous, all blotchy and teary) but Kurt couldn’t stay to say his congratulations. He had to go. He didn’t know where. Just go… somewhere. Not home. Maybe he could book it to the airport. He could buy a plane ticket to Lima and spend a few days changing tires and cooking with Carole and cashing in every lame “free hug” coupon he had gotten from his dad in Christmases past when he was just a kid and everything was so _simple._

If he could just go back to the days where most of his worries consisted of making sure he had a back-up outfit in his car from when his initial one got destroyed by Red Dye #7, he’d do it. Back to a time where there was no Blaine, no lawyers, no babies. Where there was only Journey songs and Twilight marathons and Finn with his goofy half-smiles.

Or maybe it’d be better go back to a time more recent. When he first moved to New York and was finally getting a taste of freedom, his dreams more than just a fuzzy image he couldn’t quite make out. Take him back to unfurnished lofts and impromptu NYADA auditions and knowing that life still went on without Blaine Anderson. 

Back then he felt like he could conquer the damn world and today it was hard to just take a few steps without wanting to collapse into a heap on the ground, let the citygoers walk all over him, flick their cigarette ashes onto his head.

Somehow he made his way outside, to the subway and was now getting off at his old stop all the way in Brooklyn. Three blocks away was his first apartment in the city, a few more blocks down was he and Rachel’s favorite authentic New York pizza place: Dominos. Somewhere along this street there was a homeless guy who drew rather realistic looking penises on his cardboard signs that were both disturbing and captivating. He lost a good amount of cheap headphones to that storm drain and snorted the iced coffee he’d been drinking out of his nose on that corner when Adam had said something really funny.

Blaine kissed him long and deep under that lamp post and he learned what it must have felt like to be in a movie. He and Blaine admired the way the sun glistened off his engagement ring when sitting on a bench in the park and he had wondered how he had gotten so lucky. They had stumbled home tipsy after a dinner party and made out in that alleyway.

The amount of “I love you’s” that were uttered between this stop and the loft must have been innumerable.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, continuing to walk forward, bracing the wind that was threatening to blow him over. He had no solid destination in mind, but he had to keep moving forward. Staying where he was and seeing all of the things that reminded him of a time when he was at his happiest was just too painful.

But he couldn’t escape all of the memories that bombarded him as he walked around the neighborhood. Bushwick was just too big to quickly and easily pass through. He had to wall by every shop he had frequented and places he had never been in but always wanted to, each one bringing a vivid image to his mind.

As he crossed the street he saw a couple in front of him, sitting on the outside patio of a restaurant. He could see the tension radiating off their bodies in waves as they tried to have a civilized conversation. The fighting could wait for when they got home. 

He remembered those moments as clearly as all the others.

He and Blaine had many an argument in line at that coffee shop across the street. The cashier at the drug store on Sycamore gave him a weird look after buying three bottles of Throat Coat to heal his sore-from-yelling throat before his voice final the next day. He’d also almost lost his keys to the storm drain in front of their favorite donut shop after his shaking hands had taken them out of his pocket to give to Blaine so he could go ahead of him since he was walking too slow. Kurt spent many an occasion dragging his drunk ass home and they would take these side streets to avoid possible vomiting-on-a-stranger scenarios.

It was strange how quickly some of the best months of his life turned into the worst.

And he just… let it happen. He saw everything unfold in front of him, noted the warning signs, yet did nothing to stop it. He had all of the power to change his fate, to save himself from the years of torment ahead of him. 

He had held on to the… hope of Blaine. That the Blaine he had fallen in love with at Dalton would make a comeback. He caught a few glimpses of him every now and then. Those butterfly feelings reserved for his first love, for the first boy who would look at him the way he wanted to be looked at, would come back and he’d cling to them. Those moments had made everything worth it. This was what love was all about, right? Being with someone meant feeling like you were flying all the time.

And if being like that with Blaine every once in a while was all he was going to get, he would take it. Because it was just fact that nobody in the world was going to love him like Blaine loved him. Being loved by Blaine was all he knew. 

He took him back time and time again because Blaine was a constant. Even when he cheated the first time, it was evident that his love for Kurt remained. Kurt was his constant, too.

And in the world outside of Kurt and Blaine, would anybody else ever love him again?

It wasn’t a risk he was willing to take and he was paying for it now.

If he was pathetic for thinking that back then and making it the sheer reason he stayed in his unstable relationship, he was even more pathetic now. Because as he sat down on random park bench in Bushwick, the only answer he could come up with was “why would they?” As if he had already surrendered and was going to let this breakup define him. Everything that made him lovable was now tainted because Blaine Anderson had touched it and what was the point in trying to fix it now? He was beyond repair.

If one of his friends, or even a stranger, had said this about themselves, Kurt would have made a show of trying to prove them wrong and encourage them to rebuild their lives to be bigger and better than they were before. But when he told himself these things, they were truths universally accepted.

And really, he deserved to feel like this. It wasn’t _Blaine_ who had royally fucked up his life, his psyche, though he was certainly a big factor. 

He had done this to himself.

Why couldn’t Kurt have just been _strong_ enough to do something? To stand up for himself, change his life for the better? Have… courage.

It was Blaine who had helped him bring out that part of him way back when and now it was Blaine who he was hiding that side of himself from.

What went wrong? And more importantly, was he going to be able to get that part of himself back after all of this? How long was it going to take to pick up the pieces? Was it too late?

His therapist had been giving him tools to start implementing to rebuild his life, to heal. She gave him the Neosporin and the gauze to apply himself, but he opted for just putting on a bandaid and hoping that was enough. It was fine for a while. It scabbed over and he was really good at not picking at it. But something came out of nowhere and opened the wound again and he couldn’t find anything to stop the bleeding.

Kurt Hummel had always prided himself on being a strong, emotional rock. He had to be. For his dad, Carole, his friends. He could keep his feelings in check then pull them out on a moment’s notice for a performance when needed. Life threw a ton of shit at him from a young age and he had learned early on that he couldn’t let all of it get to him. He’d achieve nothing that way.

There were a few exceptions where he allowed himself to indulge in his emotions. But most of the time when he had explosive, teary breakdowns they were not of his own accord. The emotions had bowled over him and he couldn’t hold them back and he was afraid that was going to happen to him now. He felt the tears burning his eyes and the twisting of his heart and he knew it wasn’t much longer now before everything was going to really bowl over and there was nothing he could do to stop it this time.

He wished he had been in a right enough mind earlier to go home after the whole Rachel fiasco. He knew that the house would hold even more triggering imagery, especially with the vacant crib in what was going to be the nursery, but if he was going to be a snotty, ugly, sobbing mess he wished he was at least in private and not in a park in the middle of the day where people were taking leisurely strolls and giving him looks.

Just the thought of how he looked right now, his hair in disarray from where he had been pulling at it while he sat here, red splotches all over his face, the overall appearance of a man who was unravelling sent him toppling over the edge. 

Kurt buried his face in his hands and tried his hardest while sobs bubbled up in his throat to be as inconspicuous as possible. Maybe focusing on keeping the shoulder bobbing motions small and the shaking in his hands to a minimum would help him feel just a little less awful.

He wasn’t sure how long he was sitting there just letting waves of pent up emotion hit him, but eventually he could feel something… licking him. He peeked through the gaps in his fingers down at the most beautiful dog he had ever seen looking up at him, looking almost… sympathetic. He slowly lowered his hands from his face, keeping eye contact with the animal. 

There was something calming about the exchange. While Kurt was normally on edge when he interacted with dogs, especially big ones like this one, this dog was different. It was calm, wasn’t jumping up on him or making a scene. It was just staring up at him, radiating pure, sweet energy. It had no ulterior motives behind its being there. Kurt didn’t have food that it had sniffed out and wanted to eat or had a squeaky toy, or something. It was there to say hello, to offer its presence and affection. And it was exactly what he needed in that moment.

In the distance he heard a name being called and Kurt noticed the leash hanging loosely off of the dog’s neck. The dog turned its head at what Kurt assumed was its name and Kurt followed suit, seeing whoever was jogging towards them.

“Cosmo! You can’t run off like —“ Sebastian cut himself off when his gaze shifted from the dog to whoever it was that he was bothering. “Kurt?”

Kurt offered him a weak half smile as Sebastian’s face twisted with concern.

“What’s wrong?” Kurt wiped the tears off his cheeks quickly.

“I didn’t know you lived in Bushwick,” Kurt diverted, not quite turning on the positive attitude to its full wattage, but enough so that he could speak without his voice breaking. “I used to live here during college. Didn’t have a dog, though. Can’t imagine that. Is he yours? You never mentioned him.” 

As he prattled on, h could tell that Sebastian wasn’t having any of it.

“What happened?” The other man asked, voice stern and soft at the same time. Kurt’s smile faltered then, his lips trembled and his throat started to close up again at the thought of having to explain it. Not only having to explain it to Sebastian, but to everyone near and dear to him.

“Mary Ann thought we were getting back together…” Kurt choked out, breaking his gaze with Sebastian. He could tell the other knew exactly what he meant as he moved to kneel in front of him, right next to the dog.

“Oh, Kurt…” Sebastian trailed off and Kurt looked down at him, biting his lip.

“I should have known. I should have… After the breakup I should have just nipped this whole thing in the bud. What was I _thinking?”_

“Hey, hey. This isn’t your fault. You had no way of knowing. Don’t think like that, okay?” Kurt nodded slowly. Sebastian then put his hands on Kurt’s knees and that was both the right and the wrong thing to do as touch was the trigger for most emotions for him. He could be an adequate amount of sad and teary, but someone pulling him into a hug? He was a goner.

Kurt let out a strangled cry then, muffling it behind his hand. Sebastian took his free hand in his and squeezed it as Kurt shook with silent sobs. The other didn’t say anything, just offered his wordless presence, his thumb brushing over the back of Kurt’s hand and the other on his thigh, bringing him back down, giving him something to focus on other than the thoughts whirling through his brain.

“S-Say… you got any hippie shit to fix me?”

“Not really. But I do have a _lot_ of alcohol and a half-earned massage therapy license,” Kurt threw him a look and Sebastian chuckled. “I have a lot of hobbies, okay?”

Kurt managed to laugh along with him and for the first time in a long time… he could start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt unwinds after an emotional day with Sebastian and his roommates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get this one out! Finals and moving kicked my ass. I took a lot of time between some segments (not on purpose) so hopefully this chapter somewhat makes sense and I hope that you like it!

”So, my room’s over there, second one on the right. You can, like, lay down in there until I come back. I would go in there with you now, but… I know you don’t wanna have to hang out with the guy who smells like ass.”

“It’s fine, Sebastian. You do what you gotta do. I’m the one that’s intruding here.” Kurt said as he watched Sebastian simultaneously de-leash Cosmo (a Golden Retriever and Border Collie mix Sebastian was dog-sitting for the week, he learned) and kick off his shoes at the same time.

“Nah, none of that. You’re a guest, Hummel. And at Casa de Smythe-Mulligan-Fitzpatrick-Rosenthal, we treat each guest like family.”

“Must be weird for the one-night stands that make it back here.” Kurt teased.

“And that’s why we quickly usher them out the door as soon as possible afterward. To hide the shame.” Sebastian flashed him a wink, balling the leash up in his hands and watching Cosmo run off. The two made their way out from the front hallway into the living room, where the old couch from his place came into view.

It was so strange seeing it in this new environment, surrounded by other furniture that wasn’t his and being sat on by two men he barely knew.

“Oh, boys!” Sebastian piped up, causing the two to glance up at him only briefly. They were entirely too focused on whatever video game they were playing. “We have a guest. I expect you to be on your best behavior, yeah?” The other two simply grunted in reply and Kurt almost laughed.

It transported him back to the days he would find Finn, Puck and/or Sam in the living room playing video games. He was sure there was one summer where all three of the boys camped out for three days in front of that TV, playing through an entire game from start to finish as soon as they got it. The smell of the place afterwards was absolutely horrendous. He was glad that wasn’t the case today.

Sebastian pointed out his room again and went off to the bathroom. Kurt had every intention to go and lie down in the dark for a while, but as he walked around the couch and caught a glance at the screen, he stopped in his tracks.

“Jesus. Is it cool to have one of these again?” Kurt spoke up. Emery, the bald one, looked back for a split second before turning back to the screen.

“The GameCube? Oh, yeah. Retro-retro is back.”

“I can’t believe the resurgence of the 90s we had back in the 10s is retro. I feel geriatric now. Thanks.” Kurt chuckled, leaning on the back of the couch, watching as a highly pixelated and blurry Kirby swallowed Dr. Mario whole and turned into him momentarily, silly thing on his head and everything.

“Fuck! Is that the only attack you know?!” Mason cried out as Emery cackled maniacally, waiting for Kirby to spit out Dr. Mario at the edge of the stage before moving to punch the character and make him unable to jump his way back up on the platform. Kurt watched with the hint of a smile on his lips as Mason furiously button smashed until Dr. Mario finally plummeted to his final death in a flash of lights.

“You wanna play?” Emery turned around to ask him as the leaderboard came up on the TV. Dr. Mario hung his head in defeat while Kirby triumphantly jumped around.

“Oh, I dunno. I was just gonna go lie down…”

“Aw, alright. Another time, then.” Emery gave him a polite smile and Kurt turned on his heel and started walking away.

“Shit, now I kinda wanna play with him.” Mason grumbled.

“Why? You that confident that you can beat him?”

“Well, yeah. I mean… Look at him.”

That flicked a switch somewhere inside of Kurt. The primal part of him that had a strong need to prove people wrong. He turned back around and strutted up to them, flashing a sweet smile their way.

“Actually, I changed my mind. I think I could go for a round or two.” Mason raised an eyebrow at him in challenge, a cocky grin slowly growing on his face.

Emery handed him his controller and moved aside so Kurt could sit down. He pretended to hem and haw over the character selection page, but he knew exactly who he was going to pick.

“She’s pretty.” Kurt said in the most flamboyant way possible as he chose Zelda, seeing the two guys give each other a look in his peripheral vision.

“Whatever you say.” Mason said, holding back a laugh. Kurt just continued his innocent act as Mason picked a stage, an easy one for a beginner like him.

Little did he know that Kurt had done this same song and dance for years with several of his male friends back in high school. At first it wasn’t an act, he genuinely was a beginner. But when he decided to one day indulge Finn in playing this game with him, Kurt completely destroyed him. Finn went through his entire catalog of games with Kurt to try and beat him at something, but beginner’s luck and basic hand eye coordination knowledge served him well.

Every time after that when someone would come over to the Hummel-Hudson home for video games, he and Finn would hatch a plan to lose enough games to get the other player or players cocky (Finn didn’t have to try too hard) and then drop the Kurt bomb on them and shoot their self-confidence straight down.

Kurt went easy on the kid for a bit, asking simple questions about what buttons to press, (he genuinely did need a refresher, it had been almost a decade since he had played this game in particular) not letting Mason kill him, but not really fighting back either.

Then he “accidentally” changed Zelda into Sheik and raised some damn hell.

Sebastian came back out into the living room to witness Kurt’s final moments of destruction which involved Mason standing on the couch and spewing curses, Emery running around screaming like a banshee and Kurt laughing maniacally.

Several moments later, Dr. Mario was again meeting his demise, being thrown into the ether until he was barely a blip on the screen. The three of them all yelled out in unison, Kurt and Emery in triumph and Mason in disbelief.

Mason plopped down onto the couch and Emery came over to kneel and dramatically bow down in front of Kurt.

“Where’d you learn to play like that?!” Mason asked, out of breath from all of the movement he had been doing. He was a person who played video games with his entire body, it seemed.

“I told you. I’m ancient.” Kurt smirked.

“Didn’t take you for a video game nerd.” Sebastian piped up behind him, rubbing a towel over his damp hair. Kurt twisted to look back at him.

“Oh, god. I’m not. I don’t even like them.” Mason let out an offended scoff at that and Emery laughed loudly.

“You can’t be good and not like them! That’s not fair!” Mason exclaimed, his arms flailing around.

“Exactly why I’m not a lawyer. But if I was, it’d be over for you hoes.”

“And that’s why that’s all I’m gonna do tonight. Don’t wanna deflate your ego any further. Thanks for letting me play, boys.” Kurt moved to stand but Sebastian had circled around the couch and was now standing in front of him.

“Not so fast, Hummel. I wanna see you in action.”

“Trust me, you don’t.” Mason grumbled.

“What do you propose, Smythe?” Kurt asked, an eyebrow raised as he took a step towards him. Sebastian stared him down, his mouth twisting into a smirk.

“Mario Party,” Emery and Mason gasped dramatically. “A game of pure dumb luck.”

“You’re on.” Kurt put on a smirk of his own. The three roommates moved to get everything set up while Kurt sat on the couch, scrolling through his phone. He had eight missed calls from Rachel, two from Jesse and an unopened text from Blaine. Just seeing his name on the screen made his blood boil.

Only thirty minutes ago he was sad about the loss of Blaine but after ruminating on it during the walk back to the apartment and as he sat here on their old couch, he was just… angry. He tried not to show it, though, deleting the notifications and putting on a strained smile when Sebastian glanced back at him.

“Don’t tell me you’re doing what I think you’re doing.” Andrew said as he came in from the front hall and saw the men try to untangle a mess of cords.

“You don’t have to participate, you know.” Sebastian replied as Andrew plopped down next to Kurt.

“Oh, I know. But now I have to,” He said, loosening his tie and turning to look at Kurt. “It’s like seeing the aftermath of a car crash on the side of the road,” He explained. “Upsetting… but you just can’t look away.”

“I don’t see how you have the right to judge when you’ve never even played it. It’s hard!” Mason exclaimed, seeming to have given up on helping the other two connect everything, opting for sitting on the floor next to them, cross-legged, looking like a dejected child.

“Pressing a button at the right time? Yeah, sounds real challenging, darling,” Andrew cooed, standing and leaning down to press a kiss to Mason’s forehead and head towards the kitchen. If the guy’s face wasn’t red enough from that, the look he exchanged with Kurt as soon as Andrew trotted off to the kitchen made it that much worse and he quickly got up and sped his way off into the restroom, slamming the door behind him. Kurt caught Andrew’s eye then and the other simply rolled his eyes fondly, causing Kurt to smile to himself. He’d have to ask Sebastian more about those two’s relationship later.

Andrew came back into the kitchen with drinks as everyone else settled down onto the couch and on bean bag chairs on the floor. Sebastian saddled up next to Kurt, smiling as he handed him his controller.

“So, what exactly am I getting into here?” Kurt asked, surveying the controller. It was newer than the one for the GameCube.  
“Oh, you’ll see.” Sebastian smirked, turning forward to navigate the main menu.

“How long is this gonna take anyway? Is it like a low-commitment type of thing, or…?” Sebastian turned his head back to look at him, his eyebrows drawn together.

“Oh, shit. Do you have to be somewhere? Do you have to get Talulah? Because we don’t have to —“

“No, no. It’s fine. I’m totally free for the rest of the day. I’m just trying to figure out how long it’s gonna take to kick your asses. Is it instant satisfaction or a long con?” Kurt smirked and Sebastian returned it, rolling his eyes and shaking his head as he turned back to the screen.

“Hey, Seb. Are there still those cupcakes you made the other day?” Mason asked as he emerged from the restroom and made his way towards the kitchen. Kurt noticed Sebastian’s shoulders tense up a tiny bit, not turning from where he was setting up the game. “Nevermind, found ‘em.”

“Oh shit, are they those coconut ones? With the drizzle?” Emery asked. Sebastian was clenching his jaw.

“Yeah, man.”

“Hell yeah. Bring ‘em over.”

“Oh, there’s some, like, pink ones too —”

“Strawberry,” Sebastian muttered.

“Want those too?”

“For sure.”

“Another hobby?” Kurt asked, an amused and slightly confused smile on his face.

“You could say that.” Sebastian replied, glancing back at him, his face a bit more relaxed now. Kurt expected there to be more explanation or at least an admittance along the lines of “Yeah, I bake. What of it?” but there was nothing.

Soon Mason was bringing a tray of the cupcakes and setting them on the coffee table with some plates. Everyone but Kurt and Sebastian took some and happily gobbled them down while they puttered on the character selection page for a while before finally settling on who they wanted to play as.

It didn’t take Kurt too long to get into the swing of the game. He had to make sure to have someone explain the rules of the mini-games to him but the overall concept was pretty easy to grasp and they were just having a chill, fun time. Kurt didn’t see what Andrew was talking about earlier.

But at a certain point about thirty minutes in, shit went down.

It was every man for himself and Kurt had to make sure he was reading the menus of the mini-games quick before they were being launched into it. People were buying items to sabotage each other and it was a blood bath. Curses lingered in the air, popcorn that was made when the cupcakes were all gone was all over the floor from when it had been flung at the other players and the TV when someone was having particularly bad luck, breaks were taken to pee and generally just walk away and calm down.

And while all of that sounded awful out of context, it was the most fun Kurt had had in a long time.

Sebastian ended up winning but Kurt was, surprisingly in second. He really wasn’t very good at this game in particular (as it wasn’t a game of dexterity and required just sheer luck for the most part) but he had somehow managed to squeak his way from last place all the way up there with some well-timed rolls leading him to the coveted stars everyone was trying to steal from each other.

A few minutes after the game was over and everyone did their share of cleaning up the living room (something that frankly astounded Kurt, remembering what it was like to live with boys way back when) the three of the roommates went back to their respective bedrooms, leaving Kurt and Sebastian alone in the living room, lounging on the couch.

Kurt picked at the remnants of the crumbs left on the wrapper of his cupcake. Sebastian’s roommates made sure to leave one of each for him so that he could experience to “magic” so to speak. They sat in silence while Kurt ate, just facing each other and leaning against the opposite arms of the couch, their knees to their chests and their feet almost touching each other.

“How are you feeling?” Sebastian asked, chin resting on top of his knees.

“Devastated,” Kurt licked a bit of icing off his finger. “I thought for sure I was gonna win that game.” He glanced up to see Sebastian’s eyebrows knitted.

“You know what I mean.”

“And I meant what I said.” Kurt murmured, staring down at the wrapper. He felt Sebastian’s eyes on him, begging them to meet his. After a few moments the other let out a sigh.

“I just can’t believe he’d —“

“Don’t.” Kurt said, looking up. He saw Sebastian’s expression change from angered to confused.

“Don’t? Don’t what? Call Blaine out on his bullshit? Listen. I don’t know the guy. Cheating is a shitty thing but hey, he still could be a decent person and you guys could have just been slowly losing each other already. Doesn’t excuse it, but whatever. I thought maybe he could be redeemable in some other aspect, even if that aspect doesn’t involve you and Talulah. Like, maybe he isn’t a completely garbage person,” Sebastian took a brief pause, shaking his head in disbelief.

“But this… that shit… telling her that you two were getting back together. That’s bullshit and you know it. That crosses a whole other line. He didn’t just fuck up your plans and your emotions, but that of two other people who are practically still children! Can’t you see that that’s fucked up?”

“Of course I know that.” Kurt furrowed his brows. Sebastian hadn’t shown his thoughts about this whole thing before. Even when he had to deal with the whole fiasco of picking up Talulah from Blaine’s apartment, he didn’t really show his own emotions about everything except for the occasional backhand comment that Kurt usually let roll off his back. Maybe back then it was inappropriate to have said anything. Like he said, he didn’t know Blaine and their situation and Kurt hadn’t really shared much about it either.

But that event was really the straw that broke the camel’s back in regards to their friendship. So now Sebastian had a right to voice his concerns and… surprisingly, Kurt sort of wanted to hear them.

Never in this breakup did he want to hear the whole “god, that sucks, what an asshole” spiel from his friends. He didn’t want to be reminded of all of the mistakes Kurt had made in their relationship that lead them to this point. Kurt had shut them down every time and they had backed down and politely offered their comfort and weak threats to hurt Blaine said mostly out of obligation.

But Sebastian prevailed.

“Then why don’t you acknowledge it? This whole time we’ve known each other you’ve just told me the straight facts about the situation and not how you feel about it. If I were you, I’d be fucking pissed and ranting about it all the damn time!” Kurt shook his head at that, looking down at the wrapper and busying himself with folding it into a small little square. He needed something to do with his hands, something to distract him from this conversation. “If I didn’t know better I’d say that you’re not angry and you’ve forgiven him… but that’s not the case. Right?”

Kurt took a longer pause than probably necessary, stopping his folding.

“Kurt.”

“I have to.” Kurt murmured. He noticed Sebastian scooting closer to him.

“Have to what?”

“I can’t afford to be upset. Life moves on and so should I,” It came out more robotically than he intended. It was the mantra he had been repeating to himself for months. Well, for most of his life, really. “And I know that’s stupid. I know that, logically, I need to let myself feel everything I need to feel. Let it out. But I just… can’t. I have a life to keep living and I can’t just stop everything because I’m in pain.”

“Bottling it up is going to do more harm than good, though. I know that’s cheesy but it’s true, trust me. You can forgive and forget and be ready to face him at family gatherings for the rest of time, but first you gotta deal with all of the shitty, emotional stuff.”

Kurt knew that. None of this was news to him. But he wanted to hold it off for just a little longer. Return the baby clothes, tell Talulah she wasn’t getting a baby brother after all, finalize the divorce, take a damn solo vacation to the Bahamas and let some random stranger make him forget all about the decade of heartache.

“Kurt, look at me,” Sebastian took Kurt’s hands, the ones trapping the tiny square and god had it been a while since someone held his hands and, presumably, told him everything was going to be alright. “I know I probably seem like the last person on the planet who should be helping with any kind of emotional issue seeing as I am the least serious person I know —”

“I do know some comedians…” Kurt offered, giving him a watery smile.

“I am thirty years old with a license to practice law, three roommates, and a job which I’ve had since I was twenty-one that I refuse to leave and frankly adore despite how much shit I talk about it… at a department store. I should not exist,” Sebastian chuckled. “But I do. And I’ve been through some shit, so I really shouldn’t be here… But I am,” Kurt’s heart dropped a bit at that. “And I know I’ve said this before… but I’ll keep saying it until you believe me. I’m here for you. If you need someone to take care of Talulah while you deal with stuff, I’m here. If you need to cry over the phone at three in the morning, I’m here. And if you need to break something… don’t come over to my house.” Kurt laughed at that.

“But seriously. I’ll be here when you need someone to… throw your emotions at. And I’m not just saying that because I have to. I mean it. I literally have nothing else to do.”

“Except for bake some delicious cupcakes.” Kurt teased. Sebastian rolled his eyes fondly.

“Except for that, yes.”

“Because, seriously. They’re good.” Sebastian snorted and Kurt’s smiled widened.

“Fuck off.”

“You should start a bakery or something!”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

The two of them fell into a comfortable silence then, soft smiles on their faces. After a few moments, Sebastian let go of Kurt’s hands but remained sitting in front of him.

“So, how are you feeling now?” He asked, tensing up for Kurt’s answer.

“Better,” Kurt replied, causing Sebastian to let out a sigh of relief. “But… ask me again in ten minutes.”

Sebastian chuckled.

“Will do.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the month leading up to Kurt and Blaine's divorce, Sebastian is a constant at the Hummel household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THESE TWO ARE FINALLY DIVORCED THANK GOD
> 
> What a weird sentence to type out lmao
> 
> Anyway, sorry this took a million years. Both the divorce and the update. I've been super bummed and unmotivated the past month. Hopefully the next update won't take as long! Anyway, hope you enjoy!

The month of the divorce Sebastian came over to the Hummel household a total of six times.

The first time was to babysit Talulah. Kurt called last minute, begging Sebastian to come over. His plans were to take her to Rachel and Jesse’s apartment, but they both simultaneously forgot that they had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for the time Kurt was going to need their help. He really didn’t have any other friends in the city that he trusted enough and it was too late to hire a babysitter. Blaine was out because, well, the whole reason he can’t stay at home with her is because he’s going to a meeting with him and their respective lawyers to discuss splitting assets. 

So, he settled on Sebastian.

He was worried about it, to be quite honest. The last time he left Sebastian alone with Talulah, she was huffing a perfume sample. But luckily he brought Andrew with him and by the time he got home his apartment wasn’t in utter disarray. Andrew was sat on the couch with his curly-headed baby on his lap, watching a movie and Sebastian was doing the dishes and Kurt feels very lucky.

The second time, Kurt was having a bit of a panic attack. Talulah had been having fit after fit all day and Kurt couldn’t do _anything_ to make it stop. The thought crossed his mind that he is not a good father and he can’t do this by himself, never could, and he broke down. 

After the Mario Party night, he had allowed himself to cry when he felt like it. Of course, not in public or anything. But more often than not he’ll get a pang of emotion in his chest seeing something like a dog that happened to be the breed they were wanting to get that one year Blaine really wanted one because he’s stupidly sentimental, and he’d come home and let it all out. It felt healthy and cleansing to do it most of the time, but he was not crying this time. His palms were itchy and his breathing was shallow and his brain whirred at a million miles a second but also moves as slow as molasses.

He called Sebastian and he was (miraculously) over in twenty minutes and knew exactly what to say and do. He’d only known Sebastian for a few months and somehow the other man knows that he likes to feel nails against his skin and a playful attitude when being reminded to breathe because Kurt always just forgets to. He’s too busy doing other things, thinking and factoring everything in that he just holds his breath and gets lightheaded.

He was not quite sure if Sebastian knew these things because he has told him over text or if it’s just plain instinct. He wonders what the latter meant.

Sebastian convinced him to take a nap and when he woke up he was greeted by the sight of his three year old and the almost thirty year old in an all out lightsaber battle in his living room and he doesn’t even care that they broke one of his lamps.

The third time Sebastian came he was drunk out of his mind at three in the morning and was frustrated that the keys to his apartment in Bushwick didn’t work on Kurt’s door. That time wasn’t nearly as pleasant as any of the others but he did tell him that he knew the name of the place he got that cheesecake from and it gives Kurt something to look forward to.

The fourth time Sebastian brings presents. Andrew had dragged him out to a farmer’s market with him and there were so many things that reminded him of Kurt and Talulah. He presented Talulah with a little doll with strings of yarn for hair and Kurt realized that Sebastian had been calling her her “Tula” and Kurt sorely hoped it’s a “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” reference because that would mean Sebastian has both seen that movie and enjoyed it. Or after all this time he still can’t remember her name. Either way it is incredibly amusing.

He gave Kurt some herbal teas and a candle and when Kurt asks what Sebastian’s deal with things that smell is so much he had said that if he told him, he’d have to kill him. Then they made dinner with the fresh produce he had bought and Kurt lights the candle (affectionately named the ‘Bastian candle by Talulah) every night after that.

The fifth time is a movie night with the St. Berrys. Sebastian and Jesse got on like a house on fire and Jesse, slightly intoxicated, kept repeating “I like this one” and for some reason it made Kurt’s cheeks burn. 

He doesn’t remember much else from that night.

The sixth and final time was on divorce day. The world had decided that it would be hilarious for it to rain enough for a flash flood warning and they almost have to cancel that oh-so historic signing of the papers. Burt has come to stay for a few days and Kurt cannot be grateful enough. Sebastian had been good at calming his nerves thus far, always a quick text away, but there is nothing more soothing than a hug from Papa Hummel.

Sebastian came early in the day, drenched in water after leaving his umbrella on the subway and carrying flowers that had been protected under Sebastian’s shirt during the walk from the subway station to Kurt’s apartment in Chelsea. Kurt ran off to find a vase and from the kitchen he heard the awkward interaction between Sebastian and his father, who was sat watching Talulah play in the living room. 

Burt, fortunately, didn’t remember him from their days back in high school and he knows that Sebastian wasn’t about to remind him about the Great Rock Salt Slushie Incident Of 2012. He’s grown up now and liked to distance himself from those days as much as he could. Plus, he had spent enough time convincing others that he’s not that guy anymore (Nick and Jeff of ye old Dalton days had come into the city a few weeks ago and Sebastian took them out to dinner, only to have the entirety of the meal spent with the two freaking out about how much he changed) and he didn’t need to do that in front of a perfect stranger, too.

Kurt put the flowers (daises, funnily enough. He wondered if Sebastian got them on purpose) on the coffee table and noticed that Sebastian had moved to look at the wall of photos. He always seemed to gravitate towards them whenever he was over. When asked about it one time, Sebastian had just shrugged, explaining how he liked looking at pictures of people and coming up with backstories for them. 

He had pointed to a picture of he and Blaine from their honeymoon in Hawaii and introduced him to the criminal masterminds, Blake and Julio who were celebrating their latest heist on the gorgeous beaches of Honolulu and had a decidedly not-gay time.

Several pictures on the wall now had different characters and backstories than the actual ones. They really got a kick out of it. And it was better than reminiscing.

“Did I ever tell you that we had two weddings?” Kurt asked when he saw Sebastian looking at a candid picture of them dancing at their first wedding. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, silently asking for an explanation. “Our first wedding was spontaneous and not really ours. Brittany and Santana, you remember them, were getting married and somehow we got roped into having a double wedding then and there. And that man right there,” He pointed to Burt, giving him a playful glare. “Officiated it.”

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?” Burt asked, a sad smile on his face.

“No. Never. No amount of apologies in the world will make up for putting me through that.”

“Hey, I paid for the second one, didn’t I?” Kurt chuckled softly.

“You did,” He turned back to the wall, motioning to another picture of them, wearing different suits, posed and kissing. “We had the real one, the one that I actually planned and _wanted,_ ” He shot Burt a playful glare at that. “Two years later. We were actually legally married at that point, got the marriage certificate right after the first one, so it was kind of pointless, but I was _not_ going to have a wedding that wasn’t the one that I had imagined in my head since I was a kid, you know?”

Sebastian nodded along, remaining silent. He looked sort of sad. It was the first time he had seen that look on his face. The only time he really saw emotion on his face when he talked about Blaine was that one time he got angry. He had never been one of those people who looked at him with pity or pouty lips.

He supposed today was about as good a day as any to start.

“We made it a good, what? Eight years? That’s more than most people these days.” Kurt said, shrugging a shoulder and looking back at the wall. He felt Sebastian’s eyes on him, but he ignored them, taking in the pictures still up of a life that was about to be a distant memory. A life with Blaine. A life where he was a happily married man and had a family that was fully in tact.

He tried to remember the good times. He saw himself smiling in these photos (some fake and forced) and tried to remember that feeling of being so happy he could burst. Or feeling a little better than he did now. He was an actor, surely he could conjure up those feelings, feel them now, remember what it was like to not be so broken up inside. But, try as he might, he couldn’t. 

He felt absolutely helpless in that moment, staring at over a dozen images of himself that seemed to mock him now.

Not half a second later was there a blur of motion by his side, moving towards the sad, sad Museum of Kurt and Blaine and taking a frame off the wall.

“What are you doing?!” Kurt asked, turning to see Sebastian now walking the frame over to the dining room table, opening the back.

“You printed out more pictures to put up here, right?” Sebastian asked, not looking at him as he went now to take another frame off the wall.

“Yeah…”

“Go get them.” He said. It sounded like a demand and was coupled by green eyes that had fire behind them. Kurt nodded dumbly and moved to his room, passing by a confused looking Burt. He grabbed the pictures he had gone and got printed but hadn’t gotten around to putting up (mostly because every configuration of them was probably going to be wrong and he needed a second opinion) and headed back into the living room.

Several frames were all over the dining room table now, their backs open, but most of their pictures remaining. Sebastian was giving him a choice of what memories he wanted to keep.

Kurt sat down, watching him remove the frames. A part of his brain, the visual part, panicked because they’d have to either figure out a new order for all of them or remember the old one. But another part of him felt… relieved. The visual part of his brain liked the lack of clutter on the wall, but the romantic part that loved imagery and a good emotional attachment saw everything coming down around him. The last couple of months of watching his world fall down around his ears and trying his best to not let it ruin his life, soften the blow, were represented as his friend took down each individual frame. And the world, he realized, was still spinning. 

And in that world, Kurt Hummel felt okay.

Maybe it was because he had already been emotionally shredded up these past couple of months and there was nothing else to feel… or maybe, just maybe. He was okay.

He was capable of feeling so much happiness in his life. He could feel it again. Hell, he _would._

Sebastian turned to him, framed oddly beautifully by all of the nails sticking out of the wall, holding the frame in front of his chest that held the picture that was just off in every way, a smirk on his face as he held it out to him.

Kurt took it, opened the back and took the picture out. He set the frame down and as a slow smile spread over his face, he ripped the picture in half. Then ripped those pieces in half, again and again until it was confetti on the floor. He looked down at the carnage for a few moments, then back up at Sebastian slowly, matching the stupid, shit-eating grin on the other’s face.

_Fuck you, Blaine._ They thought. _Kurt Hummel is here to stay._

It wasn’t long after that that Kurt had to head out. Sebastian offered to come with him for moral support as he hugged him goodbye, but they both knew this was something he had to do on his own. Burt almost didn’t let him go.

Kurt entered the office of Pierce, Bradley and Olison dressed to the nines. Not only was it just Kurt’s own personal form of armor, but he hoped it would be the punch in the gut that Blaine deserved. Kurt looked damn good and Blaine couldn’t have any of him.

The meeting didn’t last very long at all. They sat at a table, sitting opposite each other, staring each other in the face. Kurt felt like he was looking at a stranger, the string that used to be holding them together not even holding on by a thread now. It was completely snapped and sitting on the table between them with the papers.

He signed his name with the flick of a wrist, watched Blaine write his and the a thud in his chest reminded him that in that moment, as soon as pen left paper, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson were officially divorced. Kurt was a single man. A single father.

Instead of feeling like a nail in the coffin of his life, overwhelming and suffocating, it felt like a thousand pounds of weight had been lifted off of him. He practically floated out of the office and into the bustling newly-sunshiney and only slightly damp streets of New York, the city that stops for no one.

When Kurt got home, Talulah was the first to run to him. He immediately scooped her up into his arms, and burying his nose in her dark curls. He closed his eyes and held her tight as she threw her tiny arms around his neck and her legs around his torso. After a few moments he opened his eyes, the sight of his father and Sebastian in front of him and the smell of his baby’s shampoo filling him with love.

It hadn’t taken long for Kurt to strip from his “fuck you, I look hot and I can get any man I want now” attire and get into his comfy clothes. When he got back food from his favorite Chinese place was being put onto plates for everyone (which one of those two knew about this preference of his? Was it just coincidence or was his three year old more observant than he thought?) and they spent time just talking about nothing. It was glorious.

After that they went through the pictures Kurt had printed, reliving memories. None of these put a bad taste in his mouth and it was just so nice to know he had other things in life that weren’t connected to Blaine. The biggest thing that connected him to his ex-husband, Talulah, came running out of her room after a while, a piece of manilla paper in hand.

“What’s this?” Kurt had asked, taking it from her.

“‘Bastian tol’ me I should draw a picture to make you feel better!” Sebastian smiled shyly at that, shrugging. Kurt smiled back, observing the picture. To the untrained eye, it looked like a bunch of squiggles. Maybe baked potatoes with faces. But to Kurt Hummel, an avid fan and collector of Talulah Hummel-Anderson’s artwork, it was a picture of him and her holding hands in front of a rainbow, with stickers of baby farm animals scattered throughout and a dash of glitter in some… artistic places.

Kurt, teary eyed, put it in the frame in the middle of the entire wall, which now held significantly less pictures, but happier memories all together. The day Talulah was born, his first ever trip to New York City with the New Directions, Kurt scream singing with Rachel and Jesse at their wedding, a candid picture of Kurt and Talulah surprising Burt in Ohio for his birthday last year, a picture of he and Finn at graduation, a cast and crew photo from Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf, Kurt accepting a Teacher of the Year award from Carmen Tibideaux, and plenty of snapshots from an ever-growing Talulah.

Later in the evening, Burt and Talulah had went to bed, leaving Kurt and Sebastian on their favorite hangout spot: the couch. The silence between them was comfortable as they faced each other, hitting their feet against each other in an all out battle for leg space dominance while their glasses of wine got warm in their hands. 

Kurt eventually won, making Sebastian bring his knees to his chest while Kurt spread his legs out between them, a small smile resting on his lips.

“I’m proud of you.”

“Me too! I haven’t skipped out on leg day _once_ this week. It shows, no?” Kurt smirked, kicking one of his legs up in the air and flexing his foot, showing off his slightly toned calves.

“Not what I meant.” Sebastian said, a warm chuckle escaping his lips. Kurt lowered his leg, the smile unwavering on his own face.

“I know.”

He really did. And he appreciated it more than Sebastian would ever know.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Kurt's thirtieth birthday and the day is... not what he expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I always get so excited, write a good majority of the chapter and then peter out and just stop. I always open the document and keep intending to finish it, but never do. Finally did for this one, though. Hope the length makes up for the wait! Things are looking up for our dear Mr. Hummel.

Kurt Hummel was on a hunt.

Today was his thirtieth birthday. He was having a dinner party with his nearest and dearest. A relaxing night of wine, good food and conversation. Exactly what the doctor ordered. He had already gotten the ingredients for what he was going to make for the first two courses, but now he had to figure out dessert.

The only thing that had come to mind for what he wanted was that damn cheesecake Sebastian had brought him months ago. He tried texting Sebastian all morning asking if he remembered the place he got it from, but to no avail. He didn’t get a single text from the other. He had gotten a midnight Happy Birthday text but after that he just got radio silence. It concerned him a little bit, but mostly just pissed him off.

He went on a deep dive through the internet, searching for the menus of several bakeries that were between he and Sebastian’s place which were… a surprising amount. He had to narrow it down to closer to his place as he remembered it was still slightly warm and untouched by the time he brought it back. When looking at Facebook pages filled with pictures of products and Instagram tags, he had to resort to figuring out the login to his Yelp account, desperate that someone would leave a cheesecake-related review.

It was a long-shot and he knew it, but he _needed_ it. It’d be different if it were something like a pie or a cake. Even if he liked it as much as the cheesecake, he wouldn’t go out of his way like this for it. He’d settle.

Kurt Hummel and cheesecake though… they had a special bond.

Plus it was his birthday. The big 3-0. After how shitty year 29 was, he deserved to get something he wanted. Even if just for tonight.

He was about to give up at a certain point. Jesse and Rachel were coming over in a little bit. Rachel was going to take Kurt birthday shopping and Jesse was going to watch the girls and he sort of wanted to just chill out until then. 

There was bound to be another really good cheesecake in the area. His favorite place in the neighborhood closed down a year ago and he was too busy to search for another. Now was as good a time as any to start, he supposed.

He had stumbled his way onto this one French bakery’s Instagram page (it was the most aesthetically pleasing of them all, with professional HD photographs and colorful backgrounds, surrounded by some appropriate set dressing) when he saw it.

The cheesecake of his dreams.

Kurt quickly scrolled up to the top of the page, remembering the name and finding it in Google Maps. And honestly, he was _too_ excited for this.

He leapt off the couch, getting himself and Talulah dressed before heading out into the warm May day.

The bakery wasn’t too far from the apartment. Well, not distance wise. But when you had a toddler whose legs suddenly stopped working, it was a nice little trek.

Pâtisserie Dubois was a quaint little place. The outside looked like it was plucked straight from a movie about Paris and put between two concrete beasts. It was painted pink and had huge windows to look inside, and a nice little patio to sit in covered by a striped shade. He half-expected to see people sitting at the tables wearing berets and turtlenecks and smoking from those long, Audrey Hepburn like cigarette holders. 

The inside was cute and colorful and frankly already giving him a cavity. Pictures and clippings from newspapers covered one wall. Kurt walked along the wall and took in the progression. They told a story. By the door was what seemed to be the beginning of the store’s journey, a picture taken in what looked like the sixties or seventies, the edges peeking from the frame frayed and age-stained. As he walked through the empty line, he saw the progression of time between both the storefront and a woman who was consistent in the photos: the owner, he presumed.

Talulah had charged in front of him, immediately drawn to the display case of sweets. She pressed her little face to the glass, breathing and creating condensation. He glanced over at her and was quick to pull her away a bit because he couldn’t imagine how many grubby hands had touched that thing since the last time they wiped it down.

Kurt held onto her, kneeling down and looking at everything they had to offer. It all honestly looked too good to eat. They were immensely pleasing to look at and if the cheesecake he had (which he spotted quickly) was any indication, they were probably delicious, too.

He promised Talulah that she could pick one treat. She took her sweet time to mull it over, as it was obviously a very important decision, but luckily the place was pretty deserted. He hadn’t even seen a cashier. Surely they weren’t closed? He hadn’t seen a sign. And there were some people eating eclairs outside.

Finally she picked out a small truffle (luckily not something huge like the large pieces of cake they had) and they made their way up in the line to the register. Still, nobody was there. Kurt sighed, walking around the counter a bit and craning his head to try and see if there was anybody in the back.

“Daddy, can I touch?” Talulah asked, pointing to a bell on the counter he hadn’t seen.

“Oh, yeah. Ring it. Just once, though,” He said, assuming it would alert whoever was working that there were customers. Talulah did so with gusto, the ding reverberating through the bakery. They waited a moment, and the second he saw a door in the back open, Talulah was letting go of his hand and rushing back to the display, announcing how she had changed her mind and now wanted something else.

He looked over at her to make sure she didn’t go too far and when he turned back around he was met by the most amusing sight.

Sebastian freakin’ Smythe, wearing a hot pink apron, a lime green shirt and khakis, a bit of flour dusting his cheeks and hair and his glasses.

“I thought we were done with this.”

It had been literally months since his last chance encounter with Sebastian. The last times he had seen him had been completely deliberate and really, how many other places in New York City were there for them to somehow magically run into each other?

“Evidently not.” Sebastian said, the surprise on his face replaced with something akin to embarrassment (but really, did Sebastian even feel shame?) for only a few moments before…

“‘Bastian!” Talulah squealed, running up to the counter.

“Tula! Hey, kid!” He held his hand out and she reached up to give him a high five.

“What’re you doing here?” She asked.

“I work here.” He said, glancing up at Kurt briefly

“I know those khakis from somewhere,” Kurt said, tapping his chin and smirking. Sebastian looked bashful, then, his gaze dropping to his pants and… was he blushing?

Hath hell frozen over?

“What can I do you guys for?”

“We’re getting daddy a birthday cake!”

“Birthday cheesecake,” Kurt clarified, making sure to exaggeratedly rake his eyes over his ensemble, silently asking so many questions.

“Ohhh. I get it, I get it. You’re only here for the cheesecake and not for your favorite piece of man cake. I get it,” Sebastian pretended to sniff, putting a hand over his heart in mock offense, causing Talulah to giggle. “I have to say I’m hurt, but I understand. We make a mean cheesecake.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this whole… thing sooner?” Kurt gestured to the bakery around him. “You know I’ve been desperate for that cheesecake for months.”

“Eh, it was never the right time,” Sebastian said with a shrug. Kurt gave him a look that said he wasn’t buying it and he could see the other deflate. “Gimme a sec. Lemme see if I can go on break, then I’ll explain, yeah?”

“Wait! I want this!” Talulah piped up, pointing to a pink macron in the display case. Sebastian chuckled softly and grabbed it for her, putting it in a cute little bag. Kurt went to pull out his wallet but Sebastian put his hand up.

“It’s on me. Go sit down, enjoy. I’ll join you in a few,”

Kurt nodded and allowed Talulah to find them a table. A booth by the window. He watched as she took tiny bites of the pastry, knowing that she was going to have to savor them as it was the only desert she was getting, smiling to himself and temporarily forgetting about this whole situation. 

Sebastian. Working in a French bakery. That he didn’t know about. Being embarrassed? There were a lot of missing pieces falling into place here.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sebastian sliding over the counter gracefully, holding a plate with something on it and a wrapped up napkin in the other hand. He slid in next to Talulah, setting the plate down in front of Kurt.

“What this?”

“Birthday dacquoise,” He answered, pulling two forks from the napkin. He then opened the rest of it to reveal some daisies that looked like they were made of fondant, presenting it to Talulah who gasped.

“Can I eat these?” She asked, pointing a little finger at them.

“Yeah! They’re made of white chocolate fondant, totally edible.”

“Thank you!” She squealed, taking it from him and shoving it into her mouth, causing the two adults to chuckle.

“Alright, Smythe. Spill.” Kurt said.

“Eat.” Sebastian said, handing him a fork.

“You’re deflecting.”

“You’re getting a free cheesecake for your dinner party tonight. Plus these two. I can do whatever I want.” Sebastian smirked. Kurt just rolled his eyes before digging his fork in and taking a bite, watching Sebastian look at him expectantly but trying to play it as nonchalant.

He had this guy pegged. Well, for the most part. This whole thing was certainly a curveball.

“Mm, that’s good. What is that?”

“Almond, hazelnut meringue and biscuits.”

“You make this?” Kurt asked, gesturing to it with the fork before going back in, as Sebastian went in on his own side.

“Yeah. I make most of the things around here. We usually have someone manning the front but her kid got sick at school and we sent her home.”

“We being who?” Kurt asked, slithering his way into the topic at hand. Sebastian smirked at that, shaking his head. Sebastian had him pretty well pegged, too. But he wasn’t exactly subtle sometimes.

“An offsite manager and the very flexible and dependable employees who are here today.”

“How long have you been working here?” Kurt asked.

“That’s a loaded question,” Sebastian said, leaning back in the booth.

“Really, _that’s_ a loaded question for you?” Sebastian snorted and crossed his arms over his chest.

“It’s complicated.”

“You’re gonna have to give me a little more than that,” Kurt prodded, raising an eyebrow.

“Alright, you want the whole story? I’ll give you the full story,” Kurt leaned in to take another bite quickly before he started, feeling as if it was rude to keep eating while he talked. “You know how I make jokes about Grandma Macy?” Kurt nodded. “Well, this is _actually_ my grandma’s place.”

“And why should I believe you?” Kurt asked, chuckling.

“You don’t have to. But it’s the truth. If you saw the pictures on the wall over there, she’s had this place for a long ass time. Originally started in Paris, where she’s from. But she relocated to New York and opened up the bakery something like ten years ago.”

“It’s been here this whole time? I can’t believe I’ve never, like, noticed it. It kind of pops,” Kurt said, making Sebastian chuckle.

“It’s a new location. We have one here and two in Midtown. This one only opened up a year ago.”

“Have you been here this whole time?”

“I’m getting to it,” Sebastian said, going in for another bite, taking his time to chew it and swallow it before continuing on. “So, this place opens up in Paris in the 70s. It’s originally my grandmere’s mother’s place, she gets sick, then grandmere moves out there to run it. Good ol’ mom and pop send me to live with her every summer from the age of thirteen to eighteen. I work at that store basically everyday every summer. I move to here for school and she decides she wants to retire in the states. She picks New York because my aunt and I are here and she’d rather die than go back to living in Ohio.” Kurt snorts at this because boy, can he relate.

“But the old bag doesn’t retire. Nah, she decides one day she wants to open up a store here and does it in like, under a year because she’s some kind of crazy witch lady,” Sebastian chuckles. “So, basically. I’ve worked here, at this location, since it opened last year, but I’ve worked at the bakery in general for a few years. I also run the social media accounts.”

“Really? That’s what drew me to the place. It’s really nice.”

“Hah, thanks. I started doing that when I fancied myself a photographer. Worked my way from pastries to… pastries before I got bored and stopped.”

“Ssstudio.” Kurt said in recognition. The username from when he bought the couch. Sebastian nodded.

“Exactly.”

“I know so much more about you now.” Kurt said, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Uh. No you don’t. I’m still the manly, tall, dark and handsome sexual deviant you know and love.”

“Who bakes.” Kurt pointed out, pointing at him with his fork.

“Who bakes.” Sebastian confirmed with a chuckle.

“You know, there’s nothing wrong with a man who bakes. It’s 2023 for God’s sake! High School Musical tackled this issue way back in 2006!”

“Pft. I know,” Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“So, why didn’t you tell me?” Sebastian sobered up then, biting his lip briefly.

“I… I dunno. The whole thing’s kinda just complicated.”

“Why?” Kurt asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Sebastian sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face.

“It’s just been a point of stress for me lately and like, I didn't need to add anything onto your situation by droning on about mine.” Kurt’s face fell at that.

He hadn’t realized how much his whole drama with the divorce might have defined he and Sebastian’s relationship to the point he felt like he had to not talk about his own life. He really didn’t know anything about what was going on in Sebastian’s life other than that he had wacky roommates and worked at Macy’s. Those were easy topics to latch onto and talk about. But it seemed like the bakery was not.

He remembered how tense Sebastian got when the brought out the cupcakes at his apartment in Bushwick. It made a lot more sense now.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me.” Sebastian shook his head quickly.

“No, no! You didn’t! Not at all. It was just… You needed to worry about yourself first. You’re way too sympathetic, you would have just gotten wound up in my… stuff,” Sebastian caught himself from cursing, glancing over at Talulah who was contentedly picking the petals off of her fondant daisies.

“Well, I appreciate that, I guess. But we can talk about it now, right?” Kurt asked. Sebastian smiled softly and nodded once.

“Yeah, yeah. We can. Well… okay, not today. I’m not gonna bore you with the details of everything going down here on your _thirtieth birthday,_ ” Sebastian grinned. “It’s your day. We are legally obligated to only talk about you.” Kurt chuckled.

“Is that so?”

“Mhm,” Sebastian beamed, resting his chin on his hand. “So, you got any plans for today? Other than dinner with everyone tonight?”

“Not really. Rachel and I are going shopping later,” Kurt replied with a shrug. At the thought he glanced down at the clock on his phone, his eyes widening. “Shhhh—oot. We’re gonna be late. They’re probably already on their way…”

“You want me to put this in a box for you?” Sebastian asked, sliding out and springing into action.

“That’d be great, yeah.” Sebastian nodded, taking the plate and heading off. Kurt slid from the booth, grabbing the wrapper and napkin and crumbling them up to throw away, holding a hand out for Talulah. She slid over and took it, shoving one of her fondant flowers in her pocket. Sebastian met them at the door with a box.

“When do you want me to be over?”

“Whenever you want. Dinner’s gonna be at like seven or eight. Depends on how long Rachel and I are out,” Kurt replied, taking the container.

“Cool. I’ll bring the cheesecake,”

“Thank you.” Kurt said, nodding gratefully and smiling.

“Bye, ‘Bastian!” Talulah said.

“See ya tonight, kid.” Sebastian held out a hand and she slapped it and he shot her a finger gun which she returned, making shooting noises with her mouth. Kurt snorted, not even wanting to begin to think about when they picked that habit up. 

Kurt raised a hand to say goodbye and was about to turn away but Sebastian reached out to take his arm and lean in to kiss his cheek. They both shared a surprised look because that was certainly new for them (they weren’t those type of gays) but before it could be address Sebastian turned away and Talulah was tugging him out the door.

Must be a European thing, he settled on.

Luckily they made it back to the apartment before Jesse and Rachel had arrived, but just barely. As soon as he was setting the box in the fridge there was a knock on the door and he was being swept up in hellos and happy birthdays and make sure you feed the babys and see you laters.

Going clothes shopping with Rachel Berry had been a constant throughout Kurt Hummel’s life. Back in high school each trip to the mall was like a mission for Kurt to find something for her that was remotely presentable. Something she’d wear more than once before retreating to the safe haven of ugly reindeer sweaters.

Once they got to New York, shopping with Rachel had actually been a relatively positive experience… once he trained her to stop saying the words “best gay” in any capacity, shopping or otherwise. She had actually come into her own, fashion wise. It was still Rachel Berry-esque, but it was more of a dull, tasteful roar rather than a blood curdling. in your face scream.

He thought he was in for a treat today because of that. Even though she was a mother, she still maintained a chic look. He was the same way. He needed to keep up appearances even when there was a screaming toddler on his hip. Plus, they were supposed to focus on him, and he was quite excited to have his personal cheerleader.

But he had never shopped with a pregnant Rachel Berry.

Not to say that their experience was bad. She tried her very best (bless her) to keep the trip about finding some cute things for him only… but she couldn’t help herself from whining about the lack of cute clothes in the maternity section.

She was only three months pregnant, but she already had a sizable bump. It seemed as though Jesse St. James was very gifted in several fields as he had managed to knock up the very tiny Rachel with twins. 

The day they told him he didn’t have to do his ab workout because he had laughed so much. Some of it was sort of wry, because Kurt ended up with no baby and she got two, how _typical._ But mostly he was just amused. The poor woman could barely deal with the one, had to be put on bed rest early in both of her pregnancies because she produced huge babies (Talulah was ten pounds and the doctor had joked that she had just given birth to a toddler) but two in the same uterus was going to be a challenge that he was glad he was seeing from a distance. He pitied Jesse deeply.

So, he could have done without all of the ugly bra and stretchy pants talk, but overall he had fun. He found a few pieces, one that he actually decided he was going to wear tonight and he was excited about that. It was the little things, really.

Rachel was being kind of weird on the ride home. Normally she would be talking his ear off about something or another, but most of the time she was furiously typing on her phone. Maybe she and Jesse were having a digital fight. They did that sometimes. Just to spice things up.

He decided not to say something, grabbing his phone himself and texting Sebastian.

**To Sebastian (5:45pm)**

_Heading home with Rachel now. Head over whenever you want_

**From Sebastian (5:49pm)**

_Will do x_

As they got up to the apartment and got in the elevator… Kurt had a feeling something weird was going on. Rachel had a constipated look on her face and she _wasn’t_ singing. She kept throwing him glances.

“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s up?”

“Nothing. I’m just happy to be celebrating your thirtieth birthday with you! That’s all!” Kurt gave her a suspicious look.

“Mhm.” He hummed, dropping it. At this point in his life, he knew it was best not to question Rachel Berry for any reason.

They had a friendly little spat about how Kurt refused to hand Rachel his bags, though it was sort of hard for him to get his key out of his pocket and unlock the door. She insisted she was fine and Kurt argued that she should be singing his praises for not letting her lift a finger, not arguing.

He unlocked the door and opened it, turned to talk to her for a moment and when he turned around he was met by a big crowd of people in his apartment, all yelling:

“SURPRISE!”

Kurt stumbled backwards, clutching at his imaginary pearls like an old Southern woman and being met by an uproar of laughter.

“Jesus Christ.” Kurt gasped out, laughing himself, still trying to come down from his own surprise, patting his chest and feeling his heart pounding rapidly in his chest.

Jesse and Sebastian walked towards them, taking their bags from them. Jesse took his wife’s hand and led her away, leaving Kurt and Sebastian at the door.

“Surprise.” Sebastian said, smirking down at him.

“Surprise indeed. Jesus, almost gave me a damn heart attack. Those run in my family, you know.”

“Speaking of,” Burt Hummel spoke up, approaching the two of them, Talulah and Carole in tow.

“Oh my god, hi!” Kurt exclaimed, moving to hug his dad. Sebastian gracefully bowed out. “I didn’t even see you guys! When’d you get here?!” He half hugged Carole, transferring Talulah from her arms into his, where she immediately hugged his neck and didn’t let go. “I thought you had to work.” He said, pointing to Burt.

“I do. I’m only here for the night, then I head out to DC first thing in the morning,” He explained. “But how could I miss my kid’s thirtieth birthday? It’s a big milestone.”

“Oof, don’t remind me.” Kurt teased, flashing Carole a little wink.

They closed the door and made their way out into the rest of the party. Kurt was almost immediately hit by the sheer force of Mercedes Jones. Upon seeing each other, they screamed like school girls, half hugging. He set Talulah down, redoing the hug.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you’re here! It’s been so long!” Kurt exclaimed, taking her hands and stretching his arms out to look at her. It had been at least a year, maybe two since the last time they were able to meet up. She used to come to New York fairly often for various career reasons after she had initially moved away, but the last few years she had really settled in Los Angeles, keeping herself busy.

“I know! I’m sorry I haven’t had an excuse to get away. Especially to see that sweet little thing,” She said, gesturing to Talulah who had run off to play with baby Barbra. “She’s grown up so much.” Kurt sighed and smiled.

“Ugh, I know. Next thing we know, she’ll be going off to college.”

“God, don’t even say that. You’re making _me_ emotional,” Mercedes laughed. “Alright, well. We’ll catch up later. Go see the rest of your adoring fans.” She said with a wink, patting him on the arm and going off meet Rachel on the other side of the room.

Kurt made his way through the crowd, stopping and saying hello to some of his coworkers (the ones he actually liked, thank God), brushing away their berating how he didn’t tell them when his birthday was, they would have brought him a cake at work, making some kind of joke about how if they really wanted to be good friends they would have brought booze since it was really only his twenty-first birthday and moving on to who he _really_ wanted to talk to.

They caught each other’s eyes across the room and started walking towards each other.

And they were so, so close… but a female figure came between them and…

“Kurt!”

“Oh my god, Isabelle?!”

It was none other than Isabelle Wright, his adoptive mother during his formative years as a New Yorker, standing in front of him looking absolutely fabulous, as always.

“You haven’t aged a day!” Kurt spluttered. She laughed.

“You’re lying, but I appreciate it,” She said, holding her arms out for him. He hadn’t expected really anybody to be in his apartment other than the St. Berrys and Sebastian, but Isabelle was certainly not someone he would ever think to be on his surprise birthday guest list. It had been… years. He hugged her quickly. “Honestly, you look better than the last time I saw you! You age like a fine wine, sir.”

“What are you doing back in the states? Don’t say you came here just for me.”

“You didn’t hear? Vogue’s editor-and-chief passed,” Isabelle had been working for Vogue’s branch out in Milan for the past five or so years, he hadn’t seen her since. Exchanged emails here and there and he saw everything she was posting on social media, but that was about it. Life got in the way for both of them. “And they offered me the gig and, of course, I took it.”

“Wow, Isabelle. That’s great. Well, not the passing thing, of course.” He thought briefly back to his days when he worked at Vogue. Those had been the good times. Oh, how he wished he could go back. At least now that he was in the city, if he couldn’t have the job, he could have the Isabelle and for that he was grateful.

“Milan was great, but… You know. New York’s my home. Plus, my mom’s here. She’s getting older. She probably wants at least one grandkid from me before she goes,” She chuckled and shrugged. Sebastian had joined her side now, smirking. “She only got one. And he was from the problem child, so that doesn’t count.”

“I’m right here.” Sebastian said, crossing his arms over his chest. Kurt’s eyes widened, looking between them.

“Wait —“

“Oh, Sebby. You know I love you. But I’m still mad that you didn’t go for that journalism major. You’d have made a great addition at Vogue.” 

Kurt felt like his head was spinning. Too many worlds colliding.

“Oh, please. I hardly call horoscopes and that who wore it best shit to be hard hitting journalism. Why would I wanna be a part of your basically dead medium, anyway?” Isabelle scoffed and swatted his arm playfully.

“You’re… his aunt.” Kurt finally said.

“Unfortunately.” Sebastian replied, smiling at her.

“You are a walking coincidence, I swear.” 

“Isn’t it crazy?! I knew it was weird when I first saw on your resume that you went to Dalton, but when Seb invited me to this party, it was like throwback central.”

“Welcome to my world.” Kurt said, playfully glaring at Sebastian, who just shrugged.

“Just can’t escape Ohio sometimes, huh, boys?” Isabelle asked, clapping them both on the shoulder.

“Seems like it.” Kurt replied, moving his gaze that lingered a bit too long on Sebastian to Isabelle.

“Speaking of, I’m gonna go talk to Rachel. Or maybe to her man-candy. Who knows? He seems good at impregnating us Ohio women.” Isabelle flashed him a wink before walking away. Kurt turned back to Sebastian.

“What _else_ don’t I know about you?” Kurt asked, amused.

“A lot. I’m an enigma wrapped in an enigma,” Sebastian teased. “But I think that’s quite enough excitement for tonight, don’t you think? I don’t think your old ticker could handle any more.”

“You’re older than me.” Kurt deadpanned.

“Details, details.” Sebastian waved him off, grinning.

“So… is this whole thing your doing?” Kurt asked, motioning towards a balloon above them that is shaped like a gravestone and reads “Over the Hill.”

“Mostly, yeah. It was Rachel and Jesse who came up with the guest list, though, except for Aunt Isabelle. And Jesse got the food. I came up with the idea, though.” Sebastian shrugged.

“Why?” Kurt asked suddenly… not really sure what answer he was searching for. Sebastian shrugged again, his eyes slightly wide.

“I dunno. I just couldn’t stand the idea of your thirtieth not being a rager,” He replied, half-smirking. Kurt didn’t say anything, watching Sebastian’s resolve crumble a bit. “And, like, it’s been a rough year for you. You deserve to have something nice done for _you_ for once. And I thought it’d be a good way to start the new year.” 

Kurt continued to remain silent, taking it all in for a moment. Sebastian Smythe, someone he didn’t care to ever see again half a year ago, was now not only his best friend, but was his best friend who threw him surprise parties and just genuinely seemed to go out of his way to do nice things for him, though Kurt hadn’t done much to deserve it.

“Well, thank you,” Kurt said, his voice soft. Sebastian smiled back at him and he felt his chest tighten a bit. “And don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone that you’re actually a thoughtful and caring person.”

“Thank God.” Sebastian chuckled. “I don’t think my reputation out on the streets would ever recover.”

“Add that fuchsia apron into the mix and I think you’d have to move out of the state.” Kurt joked.

Sebastian ushered him then to the food table and he filled up his plate with various junk food goodness. And some vegetables. But mostly potato chips. He deserved it.

“Any other surprise guests?” Kurt asked.

“If you’re asking if I got you a stripper, the answer is no. I really wanted to, though. But Jesse was too afraid that even if we put Tula and Barbra in the other room they would still be traumatized somehow,” Sebastian shrugged, taking a bite of a baby carrot. “But there _is_ a special musical guest.”

“How SNL.” Kurt mused, chuckling softly. And right on cue, the door opened to reveal none other than blast from the past number three, his past band mates, Elliott “Starchild” Gilbert and Dani Harper.

“Who’s ready to rock?!” Elliot exclaimed, causing Talulah to run up to him, screaming and making a rock ’n roll sign with her hands.

“Are you taking requests?” Kurt asked as he stepped out from the kitchen and revealed himself, a hand on his hip.

“Only for you, birthday boy.” Elliott replied, smirking and crossing his arms over his chest.

“‘Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy,’ please.” Kurt teased, smiling.

“Yeah, no.” Elliott snorted.

“But it’s my birthday. You legally have to do whatever I want.” Kurt pouted.

“C’mere.” Elliott said, rolling his eyes fondly and enveloping Kurt in a hug. Kurt chuckled, hugging back then pulling back to hug Dani.

Elliott and Dani hadn’t been the most consistent friends in Kurt Hummel’s life. For so long he just kept trying to lean back on the familiar, the Lima of it all (he was married to his high school sweetheart for God’s sake) that he had sort of unintentionally ended some of his earlier New York friendships.

They all got pretty busy, anyway. Elliott went on a long yoga retreat to find himself, or something, Dani was busy with her roller derby team, Kurt had to finish up at NYADA, get married. Somewhere in there the lead singer of an up-and-coming glam rock band had found Elliott and Dani through an old YouTube video Kurt had uploaded of one of the last and only times their old band One Three Hill performed together which landed them auditions to be the touring guitar and bass player/backup singers of the band during their first ever tour as openers for an even bigger band.

Needless to say they became a big deal. They eventually got bumped from just being touring members to regular members that got to help write songs, record on albums and travel the world.

They had reconnected a few years ago, a year or two into their life as full-time members of the band. They had attributed all of their success to Kurt uploading that video and it didn’t take long to remember why they had started to become good friends back when it was just the three of them and they didn’t have to deal with Rachel and Santana drama.

The last year they had been touring again and Kurt went to their first show that launched the whole thing, but hadn’t really been keeping up with where they were and when they would be in New York again. He had been very busy, after all.

Kurt said as much when he pulled away from Dani’s hug.

“We had to cancel the whole thing like a month early because Tyler got really bad vocal nodes.” Elliott supplied.

“I love that woman to death and I would never blame her for something like this, obviously… but she’s really thrown a wrench in my proposal plans.”

“She was gonna do it during the encore of our last show back in the city, during the song she auditioned for the band with.”

“It was gonna be awesome.” Dani said with a sigh.

“Maybe it happened for good reason, though. Huge, elaborate proposals are not all they’re cracked up to be.” Kurt said, causing Dani to realize…

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” She said, flashing him a sympathetic smile.

Rachel came over shortly after to usher them into the apartment and talk their ear off (she liked to think they were all buddy buddy too and that she was also a cause of her success since the reason they formed One Three Hill was because of her, but Kurt could always tell they were slightly uncomfortable in her presence… he didn’t blame them) and Sebastian had come to his side with a glass of white wine.

“I’m okay, Sebastian. Really. I don’t need that.”

“This isn’t for you. This is for me. Don’t be selfish.” Sebastian smirked. 

“But you hate white wine.” Kurt pointed out, giving him a look. Sebastian looked between the glass and Kurt.

“Gotta go.”

Soon enough everyone that was invited had shown up and it was time for cake. Or… cheesecake.

Sebastian had teased him by showing that he had bought thirty individual candles just in case, but they stuck with the classic three-O.

The entire party gathered around as Jesse dimmed the lights. Kurt felt his heart swell with emotion as his closest friends and family sang to him, Lulu sitting on the table by the cake, waving her arms to conduct everyone. The smiles on everyone’s faces were infectious, the eyes on him warm and he hadn’t felt more content than he had in a long time with the people he cared around him, there to shower him with love and support.

As he leaned over to blow out the candles, he closed his eyes and wished that thirty would be his best year yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I wrote this chapter I realized that my brain subconsciously decided to do a surprise birthday party scene a la the recent fic Glad You Came by daftydraw and JWMelmoth. I managed to not lean into that too much, but it's a brilliant scene that and an amazing fic. Check it out on here if you haven't already! It's some premium 2018 Kurtbastian content and I fully blame them for planting the seed in my head to write this chapter. So, thanks to them for inadvertently giving my Kurt a good time, finally! He deserves it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Also, can I note that I'm glad I'm not the only person in 2018 still making/enjoying content about these two? Makes my heart happy. Anyway, reviews are always appreciated! Excited to see where this silly little story goes!


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